Keeping Faith
by alexandliv
Summary: How far would you go to help someone you love? Would you risk everything you had, even your own life? A/O Romance Warning: graphic content. Collaboration between jbcjazz and SVUlover14.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: Story contains very graphic material. Talks about how abuse physical and mental to anyone child or adult, along with rape can destroy someone but how love and faith can keep us together.**

**If offended by this material or a love and sexual relationship between two women please do not read any farther.**

**Authors: SVUlover14 and jbcjazz**

**Disclaimer: Dick and NBC owns all things SVU**

Olivia sits at her desk, filling out a DD-5 and trying not to think of Alex, who is surely waiting at home for her, checking her watch and wondering why she's late – again. Olivia promised she would be home by six at the absolute latest, and now it's 6:12 and it doesn't look like she'll be getting out of here anytime soon. She has to finish this before she can leave, but she can't keep her mind off her girlfriend, considering the different ways she will make it up to Alex. A nice, romantic dinner – a massage – making love to her, sweetly, gently, beautifully – yes, either of those will work just fine. Or a combination thereof. Alex will forgive her.

She looks up and is startled when she notices a tall woman with dark hair standing just a few feet away, wondering how the woman managed to slip in unobserved. She sighs, recognizing that she's not going to be getting out of here for another half hour at least, and beckons to the woman. "Ma'am, I'm Detective Benson. Is there anything I can help you with?"

The woman clears her throat. "Yes, actually. I'd like to report a case of child sexual abuse."

Olivia nods. Alex will just have to wait. "All right. Why don't we go into an interview room?"

The woman obediently follows her toward an interview room and sits down across the table from her. Olivia waits for her to say something, and finally she says, "Detective, I'm Andrea Paisley. I'm a first grade teacher at P.S. 135, and I believe that one of my students is being sexually abused."

Olivia nods again. "Can I have this student's name?"

"Lauren Davis," Mrs. Paisley says, and Olivia writes it down.

"And why do you think she's being sexually abused?"

"Comments that she made to me this morning about the way her stepfather touches her. She told me he came in to put her to bed last night and, the way she described it to me, it sounds like he raped her."

"And how old is Lauren?"

"She's six."

"Is there anything else that leads you to suspect sexual abuse?"

Mrs. Paisley smiles tightly. "Isn't that enough?"

"Of course. It's just standard procedure."

Mrs. Paisley hesitates. "Last week, there was an incident. She had an accident during recess – but with first graders, of course, that's not uncommon."

Olivia nods. "Any recent changes in behavior?"

"Um, she told me last week she didn't want to go home. I asked her why, but she wouldn't tell me. I let it go."

Olivia asks for some identifying information and writes it down. Half an hour later, they're done, and Mrs. Paisley leaves. Olivia makes a note to speak to Lauren tomorrow and see if there is any truth to Mrs. Paisley's suspicions.

Suddenly too tired to finish her DD-5, Olivia decides to leave it until tomorrow and go home to Alex. Her girlfriend always makes her feel better after a tough case.

Sure enough, when she gets home, Alex is waiting for her with a smile and a home-cooked meal of chicken parmesan. "Sorry I'm late," Olivia starts to say, but Alex silences her with a kiss.

"It's okay. Dinner's on the table."

Olivia smiles and wraps her arms around her girlfriend. "Have I told you yet today how much I love you?"

Alex smiles back. "Multiple times."

They sit down together and eat in comfortable silence. When they finish, they go straight to bed and fall asleep in each other's arms. As she drifts off, Olivia thinks vaguely that this is the perfect way to end a tough day. She hopes they'll have this forever.

* * *

><p>The next day, Olivia goes with Elliot to Lauren Davis' school to interview her and see if her teacher's suspicions are correct. They sit down in the staff room. Lauren keeps shooting furtive glances at Elliot, and finally he says that he's going to get some fresh air and he'll be back in awhile. When he leaves, Lauren visibly relaxes, and Olivia gives her a smile.<p>

"Lauren, my name's Olivia and I'm a police officer. Do you know what police officers do?"

Lauren nods. "They're s'post to protect you when something bad is happening."

"That's right. So I was wondering if anything bad was happening to you that you might need my help with."

Lauren shakes her head and hunches her shoulders.

"Okay, well, are you all right with talking to me anyway?"

Lauren shrugs, and Olivia takes it as a yes.

"So, Lauren, who do you live with?"

"My mommy and Damien."

"Who's Damien?"

"My stepdaddy."

"What about your real daddy?"

Lauren shrugs. "I don't know."

Olivia nods sympathetically. "You know what? I never knew my daddy either."

Lauren sneaks a glance at her, relaxing slightly.

"Do you have any brothers and sisters?"

Lauren shakes her head.

"Lauren, does Damien ever do anything that hurts you, or makes you feel uncomfortable?"

Lauren bites her lip. "He said don't tell," she whispers.

"Lauren, remember what we said earlier? When you have a problem, you can always tell a police officer, and they will help you and keep you safe. You can tell me what happened."

"Damien touched my pee-pee. Mrs. Paisley says that's a private part and no one's ever allowed to touch you there. It hurt and I said stop, but he didn't, and he said don't tell, otherwise he'd hurt me."

Olivia nods. "Thank you, Lauren, for telling me. Now I'm going to help you, and I promise Damien's not going to hurt you ever again. I'm going to keep you safe."

A knock on the door interrupts Olivia's interview. Lauren jumps and quickly ducks her head, squeezing her eyes shut. Olivia notices and glances at the door, where she sees Elliot.

"Hey Liv, can I see you for a moment?" he asks.

Olivia nods. "Lauren, I am going to go out for just a moment and I'll be right back. I promise, okay?" Olivia hates the pain she sees in Lauren's eyes as she steps out of the room and leaves the young girl alone.

As she closes the door, Olivia hears a loud shout echoing down the hall.

"That is my daughter! You have no right to call the police and have them talk to her without my permission!" Olivia and Elliot slowly approach the woman to calm her down.

"Ma'am, I am Detective Olivia Benson and this is my partner Detective Stabler. We were called down because your daughter's teacher is worried about her," Olivia says as calmly as she can.

"That bitch of a teacher? She has no idea what she is talking about. Lauren is my daughter and I have had enough of her accusations against me and my husband."

"Ma'am –" Elliot starts to say.

"My name is Cheryl Davis and I want to see my daughter right now!" she yells.

"Mrs. Davis, we have to make sure that Lauren is safe before we can –" Elliot begins.

"She's my daughter!"

"Mrs. Davis, where is your husband?" Olivia asks.

"That is none of your business."

"Actually, it is. We have reason to believe that he may be sexually abusing your daughter," Olivia says.

"Damien would never hurt Lauren. This is all her teacher's fault. She accuses Damien of hurting Lauren and then gets back at us by calling the cops? I am taking my daughter and leaving. She is never coming to this school again." Mrs. Davis storms toward the staff room, where Lauren is sitting at the table, frozen with terror.

She springs to life when she sees her mother and jumps up, running toward her mother. "Mommy, please don't punish me, I'm sorry! I lied. Don't get mad!"

"Lauren, sweetie, go back in the staff room and close the door okay?" Olivia starts toward Lauren as Elliot blocks her mother's way.

"Get out of my way and stay away from my daughter! You have no right to do this." Cheryl tries to maneuver her way around Elliot but he continues to block her path.

"Actually, we do. If there is any evidence of abuse and a report is made, it is our job to make sure Lauren is safe and find out the truth. Now you're going to have to come with us down to our precinct," Elliot says.

Olivia bends down to Lauren's level and smiles at her. "Honey, how would you like to come with me and we can go to the place I work? We have a cool room full of dolls and toys and coloring books. We can talk there while you have some juice and then I can keep you safe. And you can meet my friend Alex, she is really nice. She will keep you safe too. She has blonde hair just like yours." Lauren smiles and slips her hand into Olivia's, and they start out of the staff room, where Elliot is still struggling with Cheryl.

"Get your fucking hands off me!" Cheryl screams and tries to hit him.

Elliot grabs her hand to restrain her and pulls it around behind her back. "Ma'am, I gave you a warning and you just assaulted an officer. I said you could come peacefully and you chose not to. You have the right to remain silent . . ."

"Mommy!" Lauren cries, and tries to extricate herself from Olivia's grasp to run to her mother.

"Baby, don't say anything. Don't trust them. They want to take you away and put you in a foster home away from your family and hurt Mommy and Daddy. Just tell the truth!" Cheryl calls to Lauren.

"Mommy! 'Livia, let me go!" Lauren yells, still trying to pry herself loose.

"Lauren, it's okay. Your mom will be okay and you're going to see her again in a few minutes. I promise nothing bad will happen," Olivia says reassuringly.

"No! Let me go! Stop hurting my mommy! I lied! I lied!" Lauren starts crying again.

Olivia sighs and picks Lauren up, holding her tightly. She knows Lauren isn't lying but that she is trying to protect her abusive parents. Some people just don't deserve to have kids.

* * *

><p>Alex lets out a breath of frustration, watching from the window as Elliot and Cragen question Cheryl Davis. Munch and Fin have yet to find Damien and Olivia is with Lauren in the play room trying to get Lauren to start talking again. The child was a mess when Alex saw her, sobbing uncontrollably and shaking. Not only have Lauren's parents abused her, but now they've made her into the bad guy, manipulating her to save themselves. Alex shakes her head in disgust.<p>

Alex makes her way toward the play room, smiling as she watches Olivia color a picture with Lauren.

Olivia looks up and gives Alex a smile. "Hey, Alex. Lauren, I'd like you to meet my friend Alex. Remember, the woman I was telling you about?" Lauren slowly looks up, tears still in her eyes, sniffling a bit as she nods her head.

Alex slowly sits down next to Olivia, not wanting to startle Lauren. "Hi Lauren," she says with a small smile. "My name is Alex and I am a lawyer. I work with Olivia to protect children like you. You are really brave in helping us."

Lauren looks up, confused. "Helping you?"

"Yes, helping us. Because without your help we wouldn't be able to stop your stepdad from hurting you and maybe hurting others. You are a hero, Lauren."

Lauren giggles. "Like Wonder Woman."

Olivia and Alex share a look and smile. "Exactly," Alex says.

Lauren starts coloring again. In a monotone, she repeats the same story she told Olivia earlier, and Alex feels her heart ache at her tale.

A yell from the hallway makes all three of them jump. "Lauren! Cheryl!"

Lauren starts to tremble so hard that the crayon in her hand snaps in two and she runs to the corner, hiding under the table. Alex and Olivia exchange glances and snap into action. Olivia runs out the door and Alex moves slowly toward Lauren, trying to calm her.

A large, sharply dressed man makes his way toward Olivia, glaring at her with cold, hard eyes. Olivia's first thought is, _If this man wants something, no one is going to stop him from getting it, especially not a six year old._

"Where the hell is my wife and daughter?" the man asks.

"You must be Damien. We have been looking for you." Olivia does not back down and matches his glare with one of her own.

"I want them now and we are leaving."

"That won't be possible right now."

"Oh yes, it is. I am a lawyer with one of the most powerful firms in the city and I did not come empty handed."

Damien shoves a paper toward Olivia. She glances at it and her eyes widen. _A judge signed off saying we overstepped our authority._

"A friend of mine happens to be a judge and he knows how this unit has a habit of thinking it is above the rules. Now release my family," Damien demands.

Cragen luckily appears just then. Olivia is like a daughter to him and no one threatens his family. "Hello, Mr. Davis. I am Captain Donald Cragen. If you will please step into my office, we will straighten this out."

Damien smirks at Olivia and then turns his head toward the interview room. He sees Alex holding Lauren, gently raising her skirt as Lauren screams.

"Don't touch me!" Lauren cries, pushing Alex's hands away.

"Get your fucking hands off her! You disgusting bitch, don't touch her!" Damien rushes toward the interrogation room.

Alex lets go of Lauren, who curls herself up in a ball and starts to cry softly. Alex bends down to comfort her, but Lauren squirms away.

"That's my daughter. You have no right to touch her!" Damien yells. This woman is going to regret touching his daughter.

Captain Cragen puts a hand on Damien's shoulder. "Sir, you're going to have to come with me."

As soon as Damien is gone, Olivia goes to check on Lauren. "It's okay, Lauren. No one is going to hurt you. I'm here. Everything is okay."

"You lied! You said that lady wouldn't hurt me!" Lauren whimpers.

"Alex, what the hell were you doing?" Olivia stares at Alex in shock.

"Liv, I saw a bruise on her leg and it goes up all the way up her thigh," Alex explains. She reaches out and gently lifts Lauren's skirt a bit.

"No!" Lauren screams again.

"See." Alex points toward the bruise trailing its way upward on her leg.

Olivia sighs and shakes her head slightly at Alex, who pulls her skirt back down.

"Lauren, I'm sorry that I touched you like that," Alex says, realizing what she's done and trying to explain. "I saw the bruise and this proves you aren't lying. This will help us show that your stepdad hurt you and he never will hurt you again."

"You shouldn't have touched me."

"That's right, Lauren, I shouldn't have done that. I should have asked you first. I wasn't thinking and I'm sorry."

"Lauren, Alex really didn't mean to scare you, but she is right, your owwie can help us help you. Alex really is sorry she scared you," Olivia says.

"Okay. Thank you, Alex for the 'pology." Lauren calms slightly and smiles.

"No, thank you, Lauren. I would never try to hurt you." Alex smiles back at her. "Ready to finish coloring? That princess picture is really pretty."

* * *

><p>That night, lying in bed together, Alex and Olivia both can't stop thinking about the case. Alex can't push away the guilt she feels at scaring Lauren like she did. She honestly hadn't meant to; she had simply seen the bruise and she hadn't been thinking clearly. Men like Damien just make her so angry.<p>

Olivia seems to sense the tension in Alex's body and rolls over, kissing the base of her neck. Gently, she begins to massage Alex's shoulders, and Alex smiles, leaning into the touch.

"Love you, Liv," she murmurs, turning her head to give Olivia a kiss.

"Love you, too, baby. Don't worry about today, okay? You just weren't thinking. I know you didn't mean to scare her."

Alex nods, wondering how Olivia always knows just what she's thinking, and just what to say to ease her anxiety. She yawns as Olivia's hands work their magic on her shoulder blades and smiles sleepily at her girlfriend. They stay like that, smiling at each other until their eyes drift closed and sleep claims them.


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia sits with Lauren in the interview room the next day, dressing up the Barbie dolls that Lauren has gathered from the chest of toys. Lauren has spent the previous night in temporary foster care, and she seems even more withdrawn today than she was yesterday, barely responding when Olivia asks her how she's feeling and what she wants to play with.

Lauren has found three or four mismatched shoes for the Barbies and is currently squeezing one Barbie's foot into a pink high heel, her face scrunched up in concentration.

"Would you like some help with that, Lauren?" Olivia asks, holding out her hand.

Lauren glances warily at her, then sighs and hands Olivia the doll. "Yes, please," she says quietly.

Olivia smiles and puts the shoe on. "There you go, sweetie."

Lauren peeks at Olivia again. "I don't want to go back to the Macys' tonight. I want to go home."

"Lauren, I don't think that's going to be possible. Not tonight, at least."

"How come?"

"Because it's my job to keep you safe."

Lauren's lower lip begins to tremble. "But . . . but I want my mommy," she whispers before her face crumples and she begins to cry. "I want Mommy!"

Olivia holds her arms out to Lauren and the little girl, sniffling, hugs Olivia back.

* * *

><p>Alex stands outside the interview room, watching Lauren and Olivia through the one-way mirror. Seeing Olivia interact with the little girl makes Alex fall in love with her all over again, as she always does when she watches Olivia with a victim or a child.<p>

"Counsellor."

Alex turns at the sound of Captain Cragen's voice. "Yes?"

The captain clears his throat. "Alex, Damien Anderson wants to speak to you. He's in my office, making a big fuss about the little girl. He has an order from a judge."

Alex shakes her head as if to clear it. "For _what_?"

"So he can bring her home with him. Apparently, Judge Taft believes it's 'detrimental' and 'not in the child's best interest' to spend another night in foster care."

"Bastard," Alex mutters.

"My thoughts exactly. But there's not much we can do except release her to her parents' care and file a motion tomorrow."

"No, that could take days – I'll file an emergency motion right now to stay his parental rights indefinitely and put Lauren back into temporary foster care."

Captain Cragen nods. "But for now, Anderson wants his daughter, and we've got to give her to him."

Alex sighs and raps lightly on the door to the interview room before going in. Lauren and Olivia both look up, and Lauren stiffens when she notices Alex and the captain standing in the doorway, which makes her feel guilty all over again for what she did yesterday. She honestly hadn't meant to scare the little girl.

She beckons for Olivia to come speak to her, and Olivia says something quietly to Lauren before getting up and walking over to Alex.

"Her stepfather's here," Alex says shortly. "We have to send her home with him."

Olivia shakes her head. "No. I won't put her in danger again."

"I know, Liv. I don't want to, either. But we don't have a choice. I'll file an emergency motion this afternoon, but for now, he has a court order for us to return Lauren to his care."

Olivia sighs. "Okay." She goes back to Lauren and kneels down beside the little girl. "Lauren, your step daddy's here. He's going to bring you home to your mommy."

Lauren's face lights up. "Is my mommy here?"

"No, but she'll be at home. Damien's going to take you home."

Lauren's body shudders, but then she shrugs and slips her hand into Olivia's. "'Kay. Can I come play with you again tomorrow?"

"I hope so."

Olivia and Lauren follow Alex and Captain Cragen into his office, where Damien Anderson is sitting in front of the captain's desk. His eyes flash when he sees Lauren and he stands up, taking Lauren's shoulders and pulling her away from Olivia. Then he turns to Alex. "You, Ms. Cabot, are going to regret taking my daughter away from me."

Alex opens her mouth to say something, but before she can get any words out, the captain steps in front of her. "Mr. Anderson, I'm sure I didn't just hear you threaten our ADA."

"Not a threat." Damien looks at Lauren. "Come on, let's go." He yanks Lauren out of the room. Lauren shoots a furtive glance at Olivia before following her stepfather out of the precinct.

* * *

><p>Olivia slowly enters the precinct washroom to check on Alex. The young woman tries so hard to make herself look like the Ice Princess, that tough as nails, afraid of no one, driven, strong attorney, but Olivia knows differently. Alex lets everything affect her. She is not the heartless, politically ambitious attorney everyone thinks she is. She is Olivia's princess. Her sweet, gentle, loving princess. No one knows that Alex woke up several times in the night yesterday and cried herself back to sleep out of guilt for scaring Lauren. No one knows how the losses in court destroy her, and that no joy comes from winning, just a numbness to the tragedies they see all the time. No one sees the fear she tries to hide every time a perp threatens her, and no one knows how much she loves Olivia, how she would do anything for her.<p>

"Alex? Princess, are you okay?" Olivia approaches her girlfriend and rests her hand on the small of Alex's back, her heart aching at the sight before her.

Alex is on her knees, vomiting into a toilet. This isn't because of Damien's threat but because the look she saw in Lauren's eyes. Fear. She is scared of Alex. Tears spill onto the floor as Alex shudders from the last bout of sickness. "I failed, Liv."

Kneeling down and pulling Alex into her arms, Olivia kisses the top of her love's head. "Baby, you didn't fail. The system did. We'll fix this. We will make sure Lauren is safe and loved. Damien will be put in jail and everything will be okay."

"She's scared of me, Olivia," Alex says quietly.

"I don't understand."

"Because of yesterday," Alex explains, ducking her head. "I'm just like Damien to her. I touched her just like he did."

Turning Alex toward her, Olivia raises her girlfriend's chin until Alex's eyes meet hers, guilt ridden blues gazing into intensely loving browns. "You did not touch her like him. You are not a perp, Alex. You are not like him. Don't ever think that." Olivia loves every part of Alex, even their heated arguments. But this is the one thing about Alex that she would give almost anything to change. After growing up in a family where mistakes were unacceptable, Alex feels that she is a failure every time she makes one.

"But Liv... the look in her eyes."

"Alex, you made a mistake. I've made my fair share. Lauren's just confused. She's been taught conflicting lessons and so she mistakes love with pain. I promise everything will be okay. For her and for us." She recognizes that this is about more than Lauren – Alex is having a bad day today and feeling bad about herself, and Olivia needs to figure out why, and reassure her. "Alex, I love you. Just a few more months and we are together for eternity." Olivia hopes bringing up their secret engagement and future wedding might brighten her princess' day.

A smile creeps onto Alex's lips at the mention of their wedding. Olivia is the other half of her soul. The missing piece of her heart. "I love you, too, Olivia. You are my everything. I don't know what I'd do without you." She takes a deep breath and then admits, so quietly Olivia barely hears, "I was so alone before you, the only thing that got me through my life was my career goals. But I was so lonely and hurt so much. You are my angel. God, Olivia, you don't know how much I love you, how much I need you. Please don't ever leave me."

Olivia's heart breaks at Alex's fear. Her princess is so scared of being alone. So terrified of losing Olivia. She doesn't know what has brought this on, but it doesn't matter. Alex is feeling insecure today, and it's Olivia's job to reassure her. She needs Alex to know she will always love her. But maybe, more than that, what Alex needs is to know she's not alone in her fear.

"Alex, I'm scared too. I mean, look at me. I am old, not rich, not very feminine, I have a rapist's and an alcoholic's blood in me. I am always called out in the middle of the night on a case and I can't be there for you all the time like I want to be. I hate it when I have to leave in the middle of the night to go to a crime scene," Olivia says, tears now filling those beautiful brown eyes.

Alex let hers spill, too, feeling guilty again for making her angel cry. Sometimes it's just hard for her to accept that someone as amazing as Olivia loves her.

Olivia brushes the pad of her thumb against Alex's cheek, gently brushing away her girlfriend's tears as her voice cracks with emotion. "Alex, you inspire me. You love me. You make me feel that I deserve love. I never had anyone to love me, and I thought I never would, but then a beautiful princess came into my life. My heart skipped a beat, and I knew as soon as I saw you that I wanted you in my life and bed." Both Olivia and Alex laugh at the memory, and Olivia gives Alex's hand a squeeze. "I wanted you so much. Then we became friends, and then . . . lovers, but it's so much more than that. Alex Cabot, you've saved my life. You've given me love. No one has ever done that. Gave me their heart and been there for me when I needed them. Even when I pushed you away, you came back to me and loved me. You're my everything, Alex, and I need you too. I will never leave you. I want to be with you, forever. I could never ask for anything more."

"I love you, too, angel," Alex whispers. "We're soul mates. We'll be together forever, I promise." Alex realizes that Olivia has the same exact doubts and fears that she has, and it makes her feel a bit better. She kisses Olivia's cheek. "I love you," she repeats.

Olivia, not even caring Alex had been sick a moment ago, presses her lips to Alex's. Alex returns the kiss, her tears continuing to fall at the vulnerability they've shared, at the emotion between them. Even though their marriage is a few months away, this moment is when their souls have truly joined together. Now, they are one.

* * *

><p>Damien glances at his little girl through the rear view mirror, anger at Alex Cabot still coursing through his veins. <em>That bitch lawyer will not take my girl away from me. I won't let her.<em>

"My little doll, I promise that horrible lady will never take you away from me. You and your mother are always going to be mine, okay? You don't need to worry. I will always be there," Damien says.

"Yes, Daddy," Lauren says quietly, a shudder coursing through her body.

"I love you, my little doll." Damien smirks as his thoughts turn to the attorney. "Baby, you know that I tried to protect you. I saw what that woman did to you. I saw her lift your dress. Remember what I told you? Only mommies and daddies are allowed to touch their little girls like that. I will make sure she pays for what she did to you."

"Yes, Daddy," Lauren repeats, not wanting to anger her stepfather.

He nods, satisfied, and they continue their drive home.

* * *

><p>When Alex and Olivia have composed themselves, they leave the washroom and go into Captain Cragen's office. The captain glances at them but doesn't comment on their slightly dishevelled appearances. "Donnelly says we jumped the gun," he tells them. "There's not enough evidence to make the charge stick. He's out on bail and there's not much we can do except release Lauren to his custody and keep looking for evidence."<p>

Alex takes a deep breath. "I guess we're not going to get an emergency hearing for custody, then."

"Doubt it. There's not much we can do except prepare for the trial and hope we get lucky."

"Okay. I'll go to her school and talk to her tomorrow. The trial date is set for three weeks from now, though, I'm not really comfortable leaving her with him until then."

"But what choice do we have?"

Alex sighs. "None."


	3. Chapter 3

Alex finds herself standing in the main office of P.S. 135 the next day, waiting for a secretary to buzz Lauren down to the office so they can talk.

"Do you have a court order?" the secretary asks, peering at Alex over her glasses.

Alex sighs. "I don't need one," she explains as patiently as she can, trying not to sound condescending. "She's a witness in an open case and I need to speak to her."

The secretary chews on the end of her pen and finally nods. She presses a button on her intercom and calls Lauren down to the office.

Several moments later, Lauren shuffles into the main office. Alex notices a purple bruise on her wrist, as if someone had grabbed her hard, but she doesn't comment. She plasters a smile on her face and kneels down beside the little girl. "Hi, Lauren. How are you today?"

"Okay," Lauren says in a small voice.

"I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes. Is that okay?"

Lauren nods.

"Good."

They go into the conference room Olivia met Lauren in last time and sit down.

Lauren wraps her arms around herself and hunches her back. "We have reading buddies after lunch, so I can't talk to you too long."

Alex smiles. "That's okay. We'll only talk until the bell rings."

Lauren nods. "Okay."

"Lauren, I want to talk to you about your stepfather."

Lauren shivers. "I don't want to talk about that. But last night when I got home, Mommy made me brownies! With walnuts. They were yummy."

"That sounds good, Lauren, but I need to talk to you about Damien right now. Olivia and I want to protect you and make sure your stepfather doesn't hurt you anymore. To do that, you're going to have to tell some other people what happened to you."

Lauren shakes her head. "No, thank you."

"Sweetheart, you're going to have to. It's the only way Olivia and I can keep you safe."

"Nothing happened to me."

"Lauren –"

"No!" Lauren starts to cry. "Mommy says I can't talk about Damien anymore, otherwise I'll get in trouble and she won't read me any more stories or give me any more hugs or kisses and I'm going to be all alone and the police will arrest me for lying and put me in jail."

"Lauren, that's not going to happen, I promise. The police aren't going to arrest you and you're not going to get into any trouble. You haven't done anything wrong. All you need to do is tell the truth."

Lauren vehemently shakes her head. "No. Mommy will be mad. I don't want to talk to you."

"I promise your mother won't be mad at you –"

"But what if she is?"

"You can tell her to come talk to me, and I'll make sure she doesn't get upset."

"No! I don't want to talk to you anymore. I want to go back to class. We're doing spelling. I'm the best speller in my class and I don't want to miss spelling."

"Lauren – Lauren, I know you want to go back to class, but I need you to talk to me for just a few minutes."

"No. I don't want to. Damien says you're gonna get in trouble for what you did to me and he's never gonna let me go away. You want to take me away from him and he says that's bad and I'm always gonna be his."

Alex tries to keep her voice steady. "Sweetheart, I care about you and I don't want your stepfather to hurt you ever again. But for me to protect you, you need to tell me what happened."

"Damien didn't hurt me. No one ever hurt me. I don't want to talk now. I want to go. I want my mommy!" Lauren begins to cry again, her body shaking with her sobs. "Mommy!"

Alex sighs, realizing they aren't going to get anywhere today. "Okay, Lauren. We don't have to talk right now. But I'll be back the day after tomorrow, and we'll talk then. I won't come during spelling." She hopes her words will coax a smile from the little girl, but Lauren is too far gone for that, rocking back and forth and whimpering.

Alex puts a hand on Lauren's arm in an attempt to soothe her, but Lauren shrieks and claws at Alex's arm, trying to pry her hand away and scratching at Alex's skin.

Alex quickly pulls her hand back. The skin on her hand burns, emphasizing her failure like a scarlet letter. She closes her eyes and counts to ten, wanting so much to comfort Lauren, but knowing there's nothing she can do to help.

She made the mistake of getting too physically close last time and not respecting Lauren's need for distance to protect herself. _But what kind of person would I be if I let this girl down? It's so hard not to hold her and comfort her as I know Olivia would._ Looking down at her arm she sees that Lauren has done some damage. Blood is starting to trickle down her arm.

They both look up as the conference room door opens and a teacher steps inside. "Lauren, are you okay?" She glances at Alex. "I heard her crying. What happened?"

Lauren whimpers and runs to the teacher. "Ms. Bradley, I want to go back to class."

"Okay, sweetheart. I'll walk you back to class." She glances suspiciously at Alex and takes Lauren's hand. "Come on."

* * *

><p>"How was school today, baby?" Damien asks, glancing at Lauren through the rearview mirror as he drives her home from school.<p>

Lauren shifts in her booster seat. The seat belt is biting into her neck and she tries to adjust it, finally giving up and putting it behind her back.

"Lauren?"

Lauren jumps. "Yes, Daddy?"

"I asked you how school was."

"It was okay." Lauren squirms in her seat again. The seat belt is still too tight. "That blonde lady named Alex came to see me."

"Alex Cabot? The attorney?"

"Uh-huh. I didn't want to talk to her, but she made me."

"And what did you tell her?"

"That I wanted to go back to class."

"And what did she say?"

"That I had to stay and that she's gonna talk to me again the day after tomorrow."

"Do you want to talk to her?"

Lauren shakes her head.

"You know that what Alex did to you was wrong, Lauren. Lifting your skirt. That wasn't okay. And she shouldn't be allowed to talk to you if she's going to do something like that. Do you think she might hurt you again?"

Lauren nods. "I don't want to talk to her. I don't want her to hurt me again. I fought back just like you said. I scratched her and screamed really loud, stop, stop."

"Right. So you're going to need to tell the police what she did to you."

"That she hurt me today?"

"Yes. You have to tell them that Alex touched you under your skirt, and then you'll never have to talk to her again. You can be my good girl again, and Mommy's good girl. You just have to tell the truth."

Lauren nods again. "Okay."

Damien smirks. "But first I am going to take you to a friend of mine. I told him all about you and what has been going on and he's going to help us."

"How is he gonna help?" Lauren asks.

"Well, he's a doctor, my little doll. He is going to help you, me, and Mommy stop that awful woman from taking you away. He's also going to make sure that you are okay after she hurt you," Damien explains.

"But how?" Lauren's brow furrows. She doesn't understand how a doctor who helps her when she is sick is going to help her stay with her mommy.

"First, baby, you've got to trust me and listen to what I tell you. Okay?" His voice is taking on that tone that Lauren recognizes, the one that means trouble.

_That bitch will not take Lauren away from me. She will be punished for trying. I will make sure of that. _Damien smirks and turns the car around. They need to go to his friend in Brooklyn. That way when the doctor calls the cops to interview Lauren about what happened, it won't be Manhattan SVU that responds.

* * *

><p>"You should have seen her, Olivia. I saw the bruises – and she was still protecting them! She's so confused. She wants is someone to love her, but she doesn't know what love is. She thinks that her mother and her stepfather love her – she was so upset that her mother would be angry with her if she talked to me," Alex says. They are sitting in her office, fingers intertwined as Alex tells Olivia of her day.<p>

"Well, you have the day after tomorrow to try again. I will go with you this time. I'm sorry I couldn't go today. After El discharged his weapon in the Gregory case Internal Affairs has been on my ass to get a statement," Olivia says.

"It's okay, Liv. On Thursday, though, you'll need to make sure I don't screw up again," Alex says with a bitter laugh.

"Alex, please don't be hard on yourself. You haven't messed up at all." Olivia brings Alex's hand to her lips and kisses it.

Alex sighs. "This case . . . something about it's just getting to me. I don't know if it is because Lauren's mother is defending the scumbag that is raping her daughter or that the monster himself is a lawyer and manipulating the law to get what he wants. All while a little girl is being destroyed." Alex lets go of Olivia's hand and walks over to the window, looking out into the world and wishing these situations didn't exist. But then, she wouldn't have a job.

Coming up behind her, Olivia wraps her arms around Alex's abdomen and pulls her princess against her in a comforting embrace. Olivia kisses the crown of her head and whispers into her love's ear, "Alex, it's okay. We're going to fix this. We're going to help Lauren. Don't worry; we'll find a way. We always do."

Alex sighs and holds Olivia's gaze for a moment. She sees the love she holds in her own heart reflected in her girlfriend's eyes and leans in to bring their lips together.

They share a tender kiss, but before they can pour all their love into it, saying physically all that needs to be said, a knock on the door interrupts the moment and Elizabeth Donnelly storms into Alex's office. "Alexandra, Olivia."

Olivia and Alex quickly break apart, hoping to avoid another of Liz's lectures on discretion.

"Liz, what's the matter?" Alex asks, noticing the worry in Liz's eyes.

"The case against Damien Anderson has been dropped," Liz says sharply.

"What?" Olivia yells.

"I told you, Detective, you jumped the gun." She turns to Alex. "But that's not all." Liz prides herself on her professionalism – she never lets emotion get involved with the law. But this is Alex, who is almost like a daughter to her. She sees so much of herself in the young attorney, and she has to admit that she is afraid.

"What is it?" Alex asks.

Liz clears her throat. "There's been an accusation. Against you."

"Against _me_?"

"Lauren Davis has accused you of molesting her when you met with her today."

Alex gapes at her. "Liz –"

"I know, Alex, but I have to ask – is it possible that you might have done something that could be construed that way?"

"No, of course not."

"Alex," Olivia says. "The other day –"

Alex turns to Liz. "Is that what this is all about?"

"No, but you'd better believe that Anderson's going to use that as 'evidence.' Alexandra, what were you thinking?" Liz shakes her head.

"I wasn't. I'm sorry."

"Well, don't apologize to _me_. What happened today when you met with her?"

"She didn't want to talk to me and pulled a bit of a tantrum. She was scared that her mother would be angry at her if she told me about her stepfather – she said her mother told her not to talk about it. I guess I pushed a little too far and she melted down – but I didn't touch her."

Liz purses her lips. "The doctor did a rape kit, Alexandra. Why did he find your blood under Lauren's fingernails?"

Olivia's eyes widen. "Liz, you can't honestly believe –"

"No, I don't, but these are the questions a defense attorney is going to ask, and Alex, you should hear them from me first. Why is that?"

"God, Liz – I must have put a hand on her arm or something. I was trying to calm her down, and she started scratching me. I didn't hurt her," Alex says.

"Why did she start scratching you?"

"She got scared – I guess I did touch her."

"But not inappropriately."

"Of course not! Liz, you know me better than that."

"I do. But Alex, this is a serious accusation."

"I know that."

"She says that she got your blood under her fingernails because she was fighting you when you were trying to hurt her. All we have is your word to dispute that. This is serious, Alexandra."

"Liz, I didn't touch her."

"Yes, you did touch her. You just didn't hurt her. And that's a distinction I don't think Lauren can make." Liz clears her throat. "Anderson's seeking an indictment against you."

"With what evidence?" Olivia asks, her voice rising an octave as she takes Alex's hand and squeezes it.

"The blood evidence, Lauren's word, the digital penetration –"

"From _him_!" Alex cries.

"I know that, but a grand jury might not. And there's one more thing – one of her teachers. She walked in and saw Lauren crying, and Lauren told her you'd hurt her."

Alex covers her face with her hands. "My God. I didn't hurt her, Liz."

"We know, sweetheart," Olivia says, putting a hand on Alex's shoulder and looking up at Liz. "So what are we going to do?"

Liz sighs. "Wait and see. I don't think they'll really get an indictment –"

"But they'll try."

Alex raises her head. "What about Lauren? She's still in that house, with that monster molesting her. That's what matters."


	4. Chapter 4

Liz gives Alex the rest of the day off, and although Alex is unsure whether this is out of empathy or prudence, she's more than happy to have some time with Olivia to figure out what to do next. And, if she deigns to admit it, to let Olivia comfort her and hold her and reassure her that everything will be okay.

They don't speak on the cab ride home, but Olivia holds Alex's hand tightly in her own, caressing it with the pad of her thumb. It helps, a bit.

They go up to their apartment and Alex sits down on the couch. Olivia goes into the kitchen and Alex calls after her, "Liv?"

Olivia makes a face. "I'm making you your whipped cream."

Alex smiles. "Thanks, Liv." Liquid whipped cream was her favourite drink when she was younger – she had been trying to make whipped cream with her cousin one day, but it hadn't whipped properly, so they'd ended up drinking it in liquid form. Ever since, liquid whipped cream has been her favourite comfort food.

Olivia comes back into the family room, holding a glass of liquid whipped cream. "You know how bad this stuff is for you, right?"

Alex rolls her eyes. "So you tell me every single time I have some."

Olivia smiles and hands over the glass. "Tradition."

Alex takes a sip. "Thank you, Liv," she says sweetly.

Olivia sits down beside her and wraps an arm around Alex's shoulders. "Love you, baby."

Alex curls against her girlfriend and sighs. "Love you, too." She smiles slightly. "Or perhaps I would just love anyone who made me my whipped cream."

Olivia kisses her forehead. "So _that's _why you asked me to move in with you." Then she sobers. "We're going to get through this, Alex, I promise."

Alex sighs. "I did hurt her, though."

"I know you didn't mean to. A grand jury will realize that, too, so I don't want you to worry."

"She's confused, Liv. She doesn't know –"

"Alex, I'll talk to her. I'll take care of it, I promise. Don't worry."

"Olivia, they aren't going to let you near her. You know that."

Olivia takes a deep breath. "I'll figure it out. For you."

"I can deal with this. I didn't do what she said I did." Alex sits up. "I'll be okay. Don't do anything stupid for me."

Olivia gently rubs Alex's back. "I'll just ask her if Anderson said anything about you to her, that's all. And I'll explain to her –"

"She's just a kid, Liv. She doesn't realize what she said."

"I know. Don't worry." Olivia kisses Alex's forehead. "I promise you, I'll make it okay."

Alex sighs and curls toward Olivia again. She wants to tell Olivia not to make promises she can't keep, but she doesn't.

* * *

><p>Neither Alex nor Olivia sleep that night, and the next morning, Arthur Branch calls Alex and suggests in a way that isn't really a suggestion that Alex take the day off. Olivia offers to stay with her, but Alex shakes her head. "You go, Liv. I'll be okay by myself."<p>

Olivia looks uncertain, but she nods. "I'm going to talk to Lauren."

"Liv –"

"I know, I know. I won't." Olivia leans over to give Alex a kiss. "See you in a couple hours. Call me if you need anything, anything at all."

"I will."

"Love you, princess."

"Love you, too."

* * *

><p>An hour later, Olivia's sitting in a conference room with Lauren. She doesn't know how she's managed this, but she's gotten extremely lucky.<p>

"I don't want to talk to you," Lauren says, picking at one of her cuticles.

"Why not?" Olivia asks as gently as she can.

"Because you lied to me. You said Alex was nice and she wouldn't hurt me, but she did. You lied."

"How did Alex hurt you, Lauren?"

"She touched me under my skirt. And she hurt me yesterday, too."

"How did she hurt you yesterday?"

Lauren pulls her knees to her chest and starts rocking herself back and forth. "She touched me. She hurt me."

"Where did she touch you?"

"I don't want to talk about it –"

"Where did she touch you, Lauren?"

"Under my skirt," Lauren finally says. "Like before. She hurt me. Only mommies and daddies are allowed to touch you under your clothes."

Olivia sighs and runs a hand through her hair. "Sweetheart, no one's allowed to touch you under your clothes. Not even your mommy or daddy."

"Alex isn't allowed to touch me under my clothes, but she did. Damien says that's wrong and she's gotta be punished for that."

"What else did Damien say?"

Lauren ignores her. "I get punished when I do something wrong. Alex did something wrong, so she's gotta be punished, too."

"Lauren, what else did your stepfather tell you?"

"That Alex shouldn't hurt me and I don't have to talk to her ever again. I don't have to talk to you, either. I want to go now. Damien says I don't have to talk to anyone I don't want to."

"Lauren, honey, listen to me for just a moment. You know how when you do something wrong, you get a time out?"

Warily, Lauren nods.

"So if people think Alex did something wrong, she's going to get a really big time out."

"Good," Lauren says sharply.

"But you know what, Lauren? I really care about Alex, and I don't want her to have to go away, because I won't get to see her again for a really long time. So if she _didn't _hurt you, you need to tell me now."

Lauren starts to cry. "She did hurt me! I never want her to hurt me again, so she needs to go away."

Olivia sighs, recognizing they aren't going to get anywhere right now. "Okay, Lauren. You can go back to class. But if you change your mind, or if there's anything you want to tell me, here's my business card. My phone number is right here on the back, and you can give me a call. Okay?"

Lauren nods and takes the business card Olivia is holding out to her. She gets up and scurries out of the room.

* * *

><p>Alex quickly moves toward the door. <em>Serena is a bit early, that's not like her. She's usually fashionably late. <em>Alex smiles to herself at the excuse Serena always gives to explain her tardiness.

"Wow, Serena. I might finally be rubbing off –" Alex trails off as she sees it's not Serena at her door, but two police officers.

"Ms. Cabot?" the taller of the two men says.

Alex feels sick to her stomach all of a sudden. "Yes. May I help you?"

"I'm Detective Phillips and this is Detective Carter. We'd like to ask you a few questions."

Alex starts to panic. She knows she has done nothing wrong, but right now she wishes Olivia is here to help her. For a moment, she's a bit out of her element, but she composes herself quickly. Taking a deep breath, Alex gathers her courage and steps aside to let the detectives in.

"Come in. This is about Lauren Davis, correct? It's all just a big misunderstanding and I'm glad to finally have the chance to clear this all up." If she's able to get her story told, she knows these detectives will understand.

The detectives follow Alex inside and sit down on the couch, one on either side of her, their faces dark and set. "We're glad to hear that, Ms. Cabot, but from the statements we received and the evidence already gathered, it is easy to see that it wasn't a misunderstanding." Detective Phillips raises an eyebrow.

"The evidence is circumstantial and can all be easily explained." Alex doesn't like his tone, but she can't keep the edge from her voice.

"We've heard that a thousand times, Ms. Cabot," Detective Carter says wearily.

"And so have I. You know I'm the ADA for Manhattan SVU. I'm not a stranger to these types of cases." Alex isn't going to let them push her around. She can handle this.

"You aren't a stranger to abuse, in that case."

"If you are insinuating that I am guilty of Damien Anderson's accusations, just say so." Alex has had enough. _I didn't do anything wrong._

"Damien Anderson has been fully co-operative with our investigation," Detective Phillips tells her.

"Of course he has. Manhattan SVU is investigating him for abusing his stepdaughter and now he's turning it around on me. Have you never worked a sex crime before? That's what perpetrators do to deflect blame from themselves!" Alex can't believe these cops buy Damien's story. Anyone can see that he's coached his stepdaughter and that Lauren is terrified of him."Now are we going to get to your questions or are you just trying to bully me?"

Detective Phillips sighs. "We were going to give you a chance to do this the easy way and come in on your own."

"I am not admitting to anything because I did not molest Lauren. Now unless you have a warrant, I am going to ask you to leave."

"You didn't think we'd come without one, did you, Ms. Cabot?" Detective Carter holds out the warrant.

Alex's eyes widen as she reads it. "How the hell did a judge sign off on this?"

"It seems that since you are a lawyer for a sex crimes unit, they want to make sure this gets taken care of quickly. With your position . . . let's just say time is of the essence. And of course, we wouldn't want this to just . . . disappear. Or be covered up by our lovely bureaucracy. And with the evidence we presented –"

"All circumstantial, and it seems like you're already sure I'm guilty." She closes her eyes. "This is unbelievable. I would never do anything like this. I would never hurt anyone like that, especially a child."

"If you will come with us . . ." Detective Carter puts his hand on Alex's back to guide her to the door. "We don't want to arrest you, but we will if we have to. Please be civil about this."

"Civil? You're accusing an attorney with the New York DA's office of molesting a child. This is ridiculous." Panic is setting in. _Olivia, where are you? Where is Serena? "_I want to make a phone call. If you will excuse me for just a moment." Alex starts toward the phone sitting on the coffee table, but Detective Phillips takes her arm.

"You can make your call at the station, Ms. Cabot."

"No, I am making my call now. You said I wasn't under arrest." Alex tries to pull out of the detective's grasp, but he tightens his grip.

"Fine. Have it your way. Alexandra Cabot, you are under arrest for the molestation of Lauren Davis. You have the right to remain silent . . ." Detective Phillips pulls her arm back and encircles her wrist with a handcuff, then moves on to cuff her other wrist.

"What the hell are you doing?" Alex yells.

Serena hears the yelling from the hallway and hurries toward Alex and Olivia's apartment. She knocks lightly on the door, but when there's no answer she tries the doorknob and finds the door unlocked. She widens as she steps in and sees what's going on. Her best friend is being cuffed in her own home. "What is going on here?"

"Serena, call Liv! Tell her what's going on. They're taking me to Brooklyn SVU," Alex quickly explains as Detective Phillips leads her out of the apartment, while Detective Carter parks himself in front of Serena.

"Ma'am, please don't get in our way."

"I'm her lawyer. I have every right to confer with my client," Serena says quickly. She doesn't know what's happening, but she won't let her best friend go alone.

"Serena, don't worry about that now. Call Olivia!" Alex says, panic starting to seep into her voice.

"If you're Ms. Cabot's attorney, you can meet us at the station," Detective Carter says as he goes to join his partner.

"You bet I will be there." Serena glares at the officer's retreating back as she takes out her phone.

She dials Olivia's number and after a few minutes, Olivia picks up. "Benson."

"Olivia, it's Serena. Alex's been arrested –"

"What? Is this about Lauren?"

"I have no idea. I'm going to meet her at the station. Brooklyn SVU."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"They might not let you see her. It's only because I said I was her lawyer."

"I'll be there anyway. Thanks for letting me know, Serena."

Serena raises an eyebrow, even though Olivia isn't here to see. "I can't believe you're being so calm about this."

She hears Olivia sigh. "It's a bogus charge. I'll explain later. You go be with Alex."

"Okay. See you in a bit."

"Thanks, Serena."

Serena hangs up the phone and starts toward her car.

* * *

><p>Alex sits in the cold interrogation room, her hands clasped on the metal table in front of her. She's trying to remain composed, but the handcuffs bite into her slim wrists and she has to admit that she's afraid. She's told the detectives that she won't speak to them without her lawyer present, so they've left her alone for the moment, but they'll be back as soon as Serena gets here.<p>

She knows they're standing outside the interrogation room, watching her through the window, and she won't cry. She won't.


	5. Chapter 5

Several minutes later, the door to the interview room opens. Alex instinctively straightens her back and sets her jaw, trying to appear composed as the two detectives and Serena enter the room. Serena sits down beside her and gives her arm a comforting squeeze. The detectives sit on the other end of the table. "Can we take off the handcuffs?" Serena says, gesturing to Alex's wrists. "She's not going anywhere."

Detective Phillips nods and uncuffs Alex's hands. She resists the urge to rub her sore wrists, instead clasping her hands together.

"I'd like a moment in private to confer with my client," Serena says, glancing at the detectives.

Detective Carter sighs and nods. He gestures to his partner and the two of them leave Alex and Serena alone.

Now, with less of an audience, Alex feels the tears start to come. _How have things ended up so wrong? _"Did you call Olivia?" she finally says.

"Yeah. She's on her way."

Alex sighs and runs a hand through her hair. "Thanks, Serena."

"Alex, I talked to Liz, but if I'm going to be your lawyer, I'm going to have to know the whole story. So what happened?"

"God, Serena. I didn't realize –"

"Just start at the beginning, Alex."

Alex takes a deep breath and tells Serena about Lauren's bruise and how she accidentally lifted her skirt. "But I didn't hurt her, Serena."

"I know you didn't. And what happened today?"

Alex explains to Serena about today and how Lauren had a tantrum and ended up scratching her arm. Serena is silent for a moment, and Alex says quickly, "I didn't molest that little girl!"

"I know, Alex. I know that. But this really doesn't look good."

Alex sighs again. "I know. So how do we fix it?"

"Talk to them. Explain your side of the story."

Alex smiles weakly. "Isn't that the opposite of what most defense attorneys advise their clients to do?"

"Alex, you want to cooperate. You didn't do anything wrong and you don't want to seem like you did."

"I know that."

Serena sighs. "They want to arraign you tomorrow."

"Or if I tell them everything they want to know, they might release me."

"That's pretty unlikely at this point, Alex."

"I didn't do anything, Serena."

"Alex, you don't need to convince me." They sit for a moment in silence, then Serena says, "Should I go get the detectives?"

Alex nods, and a moment later, the detectives come into the room and sit down across from her. "So, Ms. Cabot," Detective Carter says, "Tell us what happened."

Alex repeats her story, watching the detectives' expressions turn skeptical.

"We found evidence of digital penetration, Ms. Cabot. How do you explain that?" Detective Phillips asks.

"That was Anderson! We had him under arrest for Lauren's molestation."

"Those charges were dropped due to insufficient evidence."

"Only because you arrested me for the same crime."

"Because the evidence that you committed it is more compelling."

"I didn't hurt that little girl."

"So you say," Detective Phillips says dryly.

"I want to speak to Detective Benson. She's Manhattan SVU."

"Nice try, Ms. Cabot, but no." Detective Phillips turns to his partner. "I think we're done here. You'll be arraigned tomorrow, Ms. Cabot."

* * *

><p>Alex is taken to be processed. She tries not to let her emotions show and maintain her stony façade. She won't let her tears fall, not now. Olivia isn't here to be strong for her so she has to be strong for herself.<p>

A feeling of shame encompasses her whole body as she's patted down by an officer and finger printed. Every single degrading moment of it is burned into her memory. Never in her life has she ever imagined being on this side of things.

When she's finally taken to her cell and shut in, she waits until the guard's footsteps fade away before she lets the tears that have been threatening all day cascade down her cheeks.

* * *

><p>"What do you mean I can't see her?" Olivia yells. "I'm the detective working the Davis case and I have every right to see our ADA."<p>

Serena puts a hand on Olivia's arm, attempting to calm her before the detective gets arrested herself.

"I'm sorry, Detective Benson, but you don't have the right to see her. You can see her at her arraignment tomorrow," Detective Phillips says.

"You don't have any evidence!" Olivia shakes her head as if to clear it. _This can't be happening. I have to go talk to Donnelly. She will fix this._

"Olivia, please calm down," Serena says in an undertone. "I talked to Alex. She's fine. She'll be okay until tomorrow."

"Calm down! They've falsely arrested Alex for molesting a little girl with no real evidence other than the _actual _rapist's word. There is no case! Once this gets all straightened out I will be sure all your badges get taken away. Mark my words," Olivia snarls before storming off, Serena hot on her heels.

* * *

><p>"This is bullshit, Liz! Alex didn't do anything wrong. How can they believe that prick over Alex? After all she's done for this city! Anyone can see Lauren is being manipulated by Damien Anderson. That man is molesting her and making the evidence point to Alex." Olivia is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She can't protect Alex if she ends up in prison. The courts and cops aren't perfect and she knows a lot of innocent people end up in prison. <em>Please God, don't let this happen. I can't lose my Alex. I can't live without her. <em>But she's begging a God that she's sure doesn't exist. No God would let this happen to an angel like Alex.

"Olivia, please. You need to breathe. Everything is going to be okay." Serena tries one last time to calm the brunette down.

"No, it's not, Serena! We live in a time where everyone is presumed guilty before being proven innocent. And even when they realize she didn't do anything wrong, there will still be that suspicion hanging over her."

"Olivia, sit down," Liz says sharply, and Olivia sinks into her seat, still glaring at Serena.

Elizabeth takes a deep breath. She understands why Olivia is snapping at everyone – the woman she loves is sitting in county lockup for something she didn't do. Sometimes Liz hates the whole system.

"Olivia, I'll make sure this gets taken care of," Liz assures her. "I will not let Alexandra be blamed for Damien Anderson's crimes. Serena, I know you've been acting as Alex's lawyer, but I am going to be taking this case."

"If you don't mind, Liz, can I sit second chair? I want to help Alex," Serena says.

Liz nods. "I doubt any prosecutor in this office will want to take this case anyway. But Serena, I need you to talk to McCoy get his permission, just as a formality. I don't want you stepping on anyone's toes." Liz is sure that McCoy will be more than happy to let Serena take second chair; she just needs Serena out of the office. She wants some privacy with Olivia.

"Of course, Liz. I will be back in a moment." Serena closes the door behind her as she leaves to talk with McCoy.

Liz gets up from her chair and sits down opposite Olivia. "Olivia," she says in a gentler voice, "I know you're worried, and between you and me, I am, too. But I'm sure Alex will be fine for now. However, there is a very small chance that Alex might be in some serious trouble soon. I know she didn't do anything to that little girl, but if word gets out that she's been accused – and Anderson's going to make sure this story will get into every newspaper and media outlet there is. I'm not trying to scare you, but I want you to be prepared for what might happen." Liz knows that Olivia will appreciate the truth, not a bunch of comforting lies. "Olivia, you've got to stay calm, no matter what. This could get ugly, and we can't have you attacking a reporter just because he says something you don't like."

"Liz, I'm scared," Olivia admits. "I can't protect her while she's in jail. I can't stop anyone from hurting her. This will kill her if she gets convicted. I need to help her." She ducks her head and confesses, "I need her with me. I love her, Liz. We're supposed to be preparing our wedding, not her defense." Olivia finally lets go, bowing her head as tears rush to her eyes. She's afraid for Alex, but she's also afraid for herself. She doesn't know what she'll do without her Alex.

"Olivia, I'll do my best. I promise you that. I'll do my best to protect and help Alexandra. I will do everything within my power to bring her back to us. Now I need you to promise me a couple things."

Looking into Liz's eyes, the detective is ready to promise anything if it will get Alex out of this situation. "Of course. Anything."

"I need you to hold yourself together and collect all the evidence you can against Anderson. I need you to talk to the teacher that is claiming these things against Alex, and talk to Lauren again. If we can get them to realize the truth, they'll drop their accusations and all that Damien will have is his word against Alexandra's. And second . . ." Liz takes a deep breath. She can't let her fondness for Alex override her professionalism, but she has to say this anyway. "Second, I need to know that you will never abandon her, Olivia. That you will never let anyone make you doubt her, even for a moment. That you will always be there for her and love her no matter what. That even if the worst happens, you will never quit fighting for her, even if she pushes you away." Liz holds Olivia's gaze level. Alex is like a daughter to her, and although she knows Olivia loves Alex and won't hurt her, she has to tell her anyway.

"I love Alex with all my heart and soul," Olivia says softly. "No one could ever keep me away from her. I would do anything for her. No matter what I will never doubt her or lose her. I promise, Liz, I will never, ever hurt her." This promise isn't just to Liz, but also to herself.

* * *

><p>The next morning when an officer comes to escort her to the courthouse for her arraignment, Alex tries to retain as much dignity as she can. She keeps her face impassive and tries not to flinch at the officer's firm grip on her arm and the cuffs biting into her wrists. She is Alex Cabot, and she's strong. She has to be.<p>

After a night alone in a cold, dank cell, absolutely terrified that this will be her future, she almost bursts into tears of relief when she sees Liz Donnelly sitting at the defense table. "Are you all right?" Liz asks in an undertone as Alex slips into the seat beside her.

Alex folds her cuffed hands on the table in front of her and nods, crossing one leg over the other as she scans the courtroom for Olivia, although she tries not to make it obvious what she's doing. She sees the detective sitting several rows back and tries to smile. The anxiety in Olivia's eyes breaks her heart, but Olivia relaxes slightly when she sees Alex and smiles back.

It feels so strange to be sitting here, at the defense table instead of at the prosecution table. She sneaks a glance across the room and sees a tall man wearing a grim expression sitting at the prosecution table. This doesn't look promising.

She jumps slightly at the sound of the judge banging his gavel. "People v. Alexandra Cabot," he says, peering at her over his glasses. "The charges are two counts of sexual abuse in the first degree. How does the defendant plead?"

"Not guilty," Liz says sharply.

"People on bail?"

Alex opens her mouth to speak, then remembers that this isn't her role in these proceedings and clamps her mouth shut.

"The defendant has ample means at her disposal," the prosecutor says. "She has substantial savings, and she is charged with the heinous crime of child molestation. The people request remand."

"Ms. Cabot is a respected attorney working for the Manhattan DA's office," Liz says. "She is not a flight risk. The defense requests ROR."

"Let's split the baby," the judge says dryly. "$50 000, cash or bond. Ms. Cabot, you will surrender your passport and you will not leave the jurisdiction." He sets the trial date for three weeks from now, but Alex barely hears. Surely Olivia can come up with $50 000. She's going home. She's going to fall asleep in Olivia's arms tonight instead of in a cell in the county jail. Maybe Olivia will make her whipped cream, even if she mock-complains about it. Maybe they'll order Chinese food and curl up on the couch and watch a movie, and Alex will never take such comfort for granted ever again.

"The people ask for an order of protection for Lauren Davis," the prosecutor says.

"So ordered," the judge says. "Ms. Cabot, you are to stay at least one hundred yards from Lauren Davis, her mother, her stepfather, and any other members of her family as well as her home and her school. If you violate this order, your bail will be revoked."

Alex nods, trying to calm herself. She can't wait to go home, but she knows that it may be several hours yet. That's okay. She can wait a couple hours.

They strip search her when she's finished in court, but she can handle that, too. She bears the indignity with as much grace as she can, and waits in a small, dirty cell for Olivia to come for her.

She hates feeling so helpless and needing Olivia so much. Without her girlfriend, she'd be stuck here for another three weeks, and she doesn't know how she'd be able to survive that. She's always been so independent, but now her entire future rests on the shoulders of Olivia and Liz. She trusts them both, but she can't help but be slightly wary.

She spends the next little while pacing the cell, trying to calm herself down. "I'm okay," she says to herself. "It's going to be okay." She knows this is what Olivia would say to her if she was here, and it helps, a bit.

Alex's head snaps up as the cell door opens and a guard steps in. "Come on," he says gruffly, snapping cuffs on Alex's hands again and leading her roughly upstairs. Alex stumbles a bit, but struggles to keep her composure. She's going to be with Olivia now. She's okay.

Her face breaks into a smile when she sees her girlfriend standing at the front of the courthouse, and as soon as the guard undoes her cuffs, Olivia opens her arms and she runs into them, ignoring her typical aversion to public displays of affection. All she wants right now is to be in Olivia's arms, and now she is.

Olivia wraps her into a tight embrace, kissing the crown of Alex's head and holding her close. "It's okay," she whispers, and Alex feels a tear land on her hair. "I love you, princess. We're going home. It's okay."

Alex finds it odd that Olivia is trying to reassure her when Olivia's the one who's crying, but Alex slips her hand into Olivia's and they walk together to Olivia's car. Olivia massages away the redness on Alex's wrists as they walk, and Alex reaches over to brush away Olivia's tears. "I'm fine, angel, really," she says, kissing Olivia's cheek.

"Oh, baby, I was just so worried!"

Alex feels terrible. "I'm sorry, Liv. I shouldn't have –"

"Alex, this wasn't your fault, not at all. You didn't do anything wrong." Olivia kisses her hand. "I just love you so much."

They climb into the car, and Olivia holds Alex's hand tightly in her own as they drive home in silence. Olivia doesn't ask how her day in jail has been, and Alex is glad. She doesn't want to talk about it. She just wants to forget.

When they get home, Alex curls up on the couch, basking in the comfort of her home. And Olivia, blessed Olivia who knows exactly what she needs, who brings her a cup of liquid whipped cream and sits down beside her on the couch, wrapping her arms around Alex and gently massaging her back, pressing intermittent kisses to the base of Alex's neck.

Alex smiles at Olivia's affections and leans into her girlfriend's comforting touch. She needs this, forever. She doesn't know what she'd do without Olivia, and she hopes she never has to find out.


	6. Chapter 6

Olivia sits watching her beautiful princess sleep. In just a few days, Alex's trial will start, and ever since her arrest, she has not been able to sleep for more than a few minutes at a time. She's also been refusing to eat more than a few bites of whatever Olivia makes, and anything that she does eat, she throws up almost immediately. The trial is already killing her princess and it hasn't even started yet.

Olivia kisses Alex's forehead, softly, so she won't wake the woman in her arms. Finally, Alex has managed to fall asleep on the couch while watching a movie, and Olivia doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize this momentary peace.

Olivia has had to unplug their phone. It's been ringing off the hook, mostly with reporters asking for interviews, while others are just calls from strangers calls that make Alex feel like the monster they think she is. With Alex finally asleep and unaware, Olivia lets the tears she's been holding in for the past few weeks spill down her cheeks. She holds her princess tightly, hoping against hope that they'll have a million more moments like this, and that their time together won't soon run out.

A knock on their door makes Olivia jump and instinctively tighten her grip on Alex. She glances quickly at her girlfriend and is relieved to find Alex still asleep, which is a minor miracle. Olivia carefully sets Alex down on the couch and slips away to answer the door, wondering who it is. The doorman downstairs isn't supposed to let anyone in except if they live in the building or they are on a guest list, and Olivia isn't expecting anyone.

She looks through the peephole and lets out a sigh of relief when she sees who's on the other side. She opens the door to find Elliot smiling at her, and, overcome with all the emotion of the past few days, she pulls him into a hug. His smile quickly fades as he feels Olivia sniffle, trying desperately to hold back the tears that are bubbling over from all this stress. She's spent the last two weeks being strong for Alex, but there hasn't been anyone to be strong for her.

Elliot comforts her as best he can and ushers her back inside, closing the door behind them just in case the vultures happen to be watching the apartment.

Olivia finally pulls away, gathering her composure and wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry, El. I didn't mean to cry all over your suit jacket."

"Hey, don't worry. You guys are more important than a stupid jacket." He glances over at Alex, who is still mercifully asleep on the couch. "How's she holding up?"

Sighing, Olivia leads Elliot into the kitchen. She doesn't want to wake Alex. "Terrible. She's trying to act strong, but I hear her crying in the shower when she doesn't think I can hear her. She can't eat, she can't sleep. Hell, we even tried to go out to our favorite restaurant but before we even got into the cab, people recognized her from the news and it was like an angry mob after Frankenstein's monster. They called her the most terrible things, Elliot. God, I wanted to beat the shit out of them and make them understand it wasn't true. That it was all a lie told by the real monster." Olivia hands Elliot a beer.

Elliot takes a sip. "And what about you? How are you holding up?"

Olivia glares at him. "How do you think?"

Elliot smiles slightly. "Sorry, dumb question. Is there anything I can do?"

Running a hand through her already mussed hair, Olivia takes a deep breath. "I'm going to try to talk to Lauren again. I don't know what Damien did to her or threatened her with, but she wouldn't listen to me or even talk to me. Then I need to talk to Ms. Bradley, the teacher that's on the prosecution's witness list. She swears that she saw what she saw, though, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to convince her otherwise. I don't know what to do . . . I can't lose her, El. I try to believe that everything will work out in the end, that the evidence will show the truth – but even the evidence points to her. This is really bad, Elliot. She might really go to prison." Olivia is starting to panic as she voices her fears, but she has to stay in control. She has to be strong for her Alex.

Elliot clears his throat. He really doesn't want to say this, but Olivia's like a sister to him and he cares dearly for her, and he knows she will end up hearing about it sooner or later. "Liv, the detectives at Brooklyn SVU looked into Alex's past and found some . . . they found some things she's been trying to keep buried. I didn't find out exactly what, but from what I heard – there's pretty damming evidence against her. Olivia, what if Alex really is battling something inside her?"

Olivia stares at her partner, soon-to-be former partner if he is implying what she thinks he is implying. "What are you getting at, El?"

Elliot can see that Olivia is getting defensive and protective of Alex. He understands completely, and he doesn't really believe that Alex is guilty, but he has to make sure. "I'm not getting at anything, Liv. I know Alex; she's done great things for victims and battles harder than any ADA we've had, but for just a moment, look at the situation as a detective. A past involving a sex crime, and you saw her put her hand up Lauren's skirt. The teacher says she saw more than what Alex is willing to admit to. Alex's blood was found under her fingernails. Olivia, they've found her blood on the outside of Lauren's underwear. It really doesn't look good for her."

"All circumstantial evidence, Stabler. She lifted Lauren's skirt to see the bruise _Anderson _gave her. She questioned Lauren, and after being threatened and brainwashed by that monster, she lashed out at Alex for no reason and scratched her. That's how the blood got on Lauren. Now what the fuck are you getting at? Because if you _really_ knew Alex, you would know that she would never do something like this." How could her partner, her friend, her _brother_ accuse her princess of such a heinous crime?

"Liv, I'm not accusing her of anything. I'm just stating the facts. Something is wrong and Alex isn't being 100% truthful." Elliot cares about Alex, but he has to make sure that Olivia is protected. If there's any chance at all that Alex has done these things, Olivia would be devastated. She'd be broken and alone, and Elliot wouldn't let Alex hurt his family like that. Elliot has to be sure Alex hasn't done anything wrong.

"She isn't hiding _anything_, Elliot! God, I thought you were her friend. I thought you were my family. How could you doubt her for a second?" Olivia yells, forgetting about her Alex sleeping in the next room.

"Olivia, calm down. I just need to know that she really didn't do this. I need to know."

"You already know, Stabler! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Alex has been around my kids, Olivia!" Elliot finally says. This is his true fear, irrational as he knows it is.

A rift has now developed and a line has been drawn. Elliot gapes at his partner, feeling the burn in his cheek from Olivia's slap.

"Fuck you, Stabler. How could you ever think that Alex would ever hurt anyone, let alone your children? They are like family to her. She loves them."

"Olivia –"

"Do you really think I could do something like that, Elliot?" Both detectives turn at the sound of the voice, and Olivia can see the pain in her love's eyes.

Elliot sighs. "I need to be sure."

"If you doubt me now, I'm sure my word will mean nothing to you. How many times do perps say they're innocent? I'm a perp to you now. I can see it in your eyes." Alex can't hold back the tears of betrayal and pain; the emotions of the past few weeks finally bubble over. She hasn't cried once in front of anyone since she's returned from jail, but now, with one of her colleagues believing that she's guilty of molesting a little girl, there's no other outlet for her pain.

"Alex you have to understand – if you had kids –"

"I would love them just as much as I love your kids Elliot. I would never hurt them. I would never do anything like that to anyone. Now if you will excuse me." Alex tries to compose herself, taking a deep breath and wiping her eyes before she bolts toward the bathroom. She can't believe Elliot really thinks she might have hurt his children. She's going to be sick.

"Alex!" Olivia starts after her, but first she has to deal with her now former partner. Elliot has hurt the love of her life, and by doing so, he's hurt her as well. "I want you out of my house. You are not welcome here until you apologize to Alex." With that, Olivia rushes toward the bathroom, now letting her own tears flow as Elliot sees himself out. He will give Olivia time to breathe and then he will come back. She's mad at him right now, but she needs to know he won't abandon her, and after she's had some time to cool off, he knows she'll understand.

She finds Alex bent over the toilet, retching, but only water comes up, because she hasn't eaten anything in nearly thirty hours. Olivia has tried to coax her to eat, but Alex refuses. She's probably lost eight pounds in the past two weeks, and although Alex has always been slender, her bones are starting to jut, and Olivia can't help but be concerned.

"Alex," Olivia says gently, holding Alex's hair back from her face as she coughs. "Sweetheart, he's gone. It's okay."

Alex shakes her head. "No. It's not okay, Olivia. It's _not _okay." She pulls away and flushes the toilet before stalking out of the washroom.

Olivia sighs and runs a hand through her hair. First Elliot, now Alex . . . today just isn't her day.

She counts to ten, attempting to calm herself before following Alex into the bedroom. Her girlfriend is curled up on the bed, clutching a pillow to her chest, staring listlessly at the ceiling. Olivia sits down beside her and slides an arm around her girlfriend. "I'm sorry," she says softly, pressing a kiss to Alex's shoulder blade.

Alex sighs and pulls herself into a sitting position, dropping the pillow and turning to meet Olivia's eyes. "No, I am. I didn't mean to yell at you, Liv. I know you're just trying to help."

"Elliot was completely out of line, Alex. I know you didn't hurt Lauren, or anyone. I think he knows that too, deep down."

Alex rolls her eyes. "If you say so." But Olivia notices her body trembling slightly, belying the unconcerned façade she's trying so hard to erect.

Olivia goes to the closet to grab one of her NYPD sweatshirts and sits beside Alex again, draping the sweatshirt over her shoulders. She kisses Alex's temple. "I love you, princess. I will always love you."

Alex looks up, her fear evident in her eyes. "Even if –?"

"That won't happen," Olivia says firmly, as if not saying the words will keep them from coming true. "You didn't do anything wrong." She smoothes Alex's hair back from her forehead and gives her a kiss. "You're my Alex and I love you. Nothing will ever change that."

"Even if I did what they're accusing me of?"

"Alex, you didn't. I know you didn't. I know you."

"Not as well as you think you do," Alex says, her words barely audible.

"Oh, baby." Olivia takes Alex into her arms again and holds her close. Alex's muscles are coiled and Olivia tries to massage away the tension her poor baby is carrying in her body. "Baby, if there's anything you want to tell me, you know I'm here for you, right?"

Alex nods, but Olivia isn't convinced. She tightens her grasp on her girlfriend.

"Alex, I promise, we're going to get through this together. I'm not going anywhere."

Alex sighs, her body slackening as she leans into Olivia. She doesn't say anything, not because she fears that it isn't true, but because she fears that it is.

* * *

><p>That night, Alex can't sleep again. Olivia tries everything she can think of to help; she runs them a bath; she makes Alex a cup of liquid whipped cream and doesn't even complain about how bad it is for her; she curls up with Alex on the couch and puts on a movie, holding Alex tightly in her arms as they cuddle. But tonight, nothing seems to help. Alex can't stop tossing and turning in their bed, and that means Olivia can't sleep either.<p>

"Roll over, baby," Olivia finally says, and when Alex does so, she gently starts to massage Alex's back. "You can sleep, Alex. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Alex shakes her head. "I know that. It's just . . ." She trails off.

"Talk to me, baby. Tell me what's wrong."

Alex sighs. "My – my _trial _starts in two days. The day after tomorrow." She turns her face to Olivia's. "How did we get here, Liv?"

Olivia sighs, too. She doesn't answer, because she doesn't know, either.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Olivia leaves Alex alone so she can go talk to Ms. Bradley before school starts. Alex is trying to be strong, but Olivia can see in her eyes that she doesn't want her to leave. Olivia doesn't say anything, though, not wanting to upset Alex by mentioning the vulnerability she tries so hard to hide. She just says that she's going to Lauren's school and she'll be back in a few hours, and Alex can call her if she needs anything.

Alex nods mutely, rolling onto her side in their bed and turning away from Olivia.

Olivia bends down to kiss her forehead. "Love you, baby."

Alex doesn't say anything, and Olivia recognizes that it isn't personal, that Alex is just anxious about tomorrow's trial. There's nothing more to say now, so Olivia leaves, closing the door behind her.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later, she sits across from Annabelle Bradley in a conference room at P.S. 135. Ms. Bradley meets her gaze without flinching. "I know what I saw," she tells Olivia, "and I don't appreciate you questioning my ethics."<p>

Olivia sighs. "Let's try this again. Ms. Bradley, tell me exactly what you saw."

"I heard Lauren crying and I wanted to see if something was wrong. They were in the conference room –"

"Who's _they_?"

Ms. Bradley makes a disapproving noise, making it clear that she doesn't appreciate the interruption. "Ms. Cabot and Lauren. Lauren was crying and Ms. Cabot was beside her. I asked Lauren if she was okay and she said she wanted to go back to class. I said I would take her, and on our way back to her classroom, I noticed some blood on her leg. I asked her what had happened, and she told me Ms. Cabot had molested her. Specifically, she said Ms. Cabot had touched her under her skirt."

"All this on a walk back to her classroom?"

Ms. Bradley glares at her. "It's on the other side of the school."

Olivia tries a different tactic. "How do you know Lauren Davis?"

"I was her music teacher last year."

"How well do you know her?"

"Well enough."

"How much time have you spent with her in the past?"

"I don't see why it's relevant, but I taught music to her class for thirty minutes twice a week. Lauren sometimes spends her lunch recess with me, as well, helping to clean the musical instruments. She's a good kid."

Olivia nods. "Has she ever mentioned her stepfather to you?"

Ms. Bradley cocks her head. "What are you getting at?"

"Lauren accused her stepfather of sexual abuse, then later recanted and said Alex molested her."

"I know Damien Anderson. He wouldn't do that."

"How do you know him?"

"Not well – he's quite involved in his daughter's education, but only as a teacher knows a parent."

"What's his relationship like with Lauren?"

"They're close. He reads to her, takes her to the park, the zoo, the beach, helps her with her homework."

"Has she ever said anything that would lead you to believe that she may have been sexually abused?"

"Not until two weeks ago," Ms. Bradley says firmly. "And I don't believe that Mr. Anderson has ever abused Lauren."

Olivia sighs, recognizing there's nothing more for her to do. If she tries to convince Ms. Bradley that she didn't see what she thinks she saw, she'll be in trouble for coercing a witness, and it won't help anyway. She'll just have to wait this out. But first, she has to go see Lauren, one last time. She has to try.

* * *

><p>Lauren isn't at school, so Olivia decides to see if she's at her house. She finds the address and drives to Lauren's house. She knocks on the door, and after a few moments, Lauren answers the door.<p>

"I'm not s'post to let anyone in," Lauren says when she sees Olivia, and starts to close the door, but Olivia steps in anyway.

"Sweetheart, are you home all by yourself?"

Lauren nods warily. "But Damien's gonna be back in ten minutes. He just went to pick up some milk. We ran out."

"Lauren, you're not allowed to be home by yourself. It's not safe and it's not legal. I'm going to stay with you until your stepfather gets home."

"No! I don't want to talk to you."

"But I need to talk to you. Why don't you show me your room, and I'll sit with you, and we can talk?"

Lauren glares at her for a moment, but she finally nods and takes Olivia's hand.

Olivia follows the little girl upstairs into a large, pink room. Dolls and stuffed animals litter the floor, and there's a pink canopy bed in the center of the room.

"Your room is very pretty," Olivia says.

Lauren shrugs and sits down on the bed. "Damien's gonna be mad that I let you in."

"He won't be mad at you, Lauren, I promise." Olivia clears her throat. "I want to talk to you about Alex."

"I don't want to talk about her."

"Lauren, Alex is really sad, because she doesn't want to go away, but if you keep lying, she's going to have to. I need you to tell me the truth."

"Alex hurt me. She has to go away so she won't hurt me again."

"Lauren –"

"No! I don't want to talk to you about Alex. You've gotta leave. Damien's gonna be back and he's gonna be mad."

Olivia swallows. "Okay, honey. We don't need to talk about Alex, but I can't leave you alone."

Guardedly, Lauren nods. "Want to see my dolls?" she finally asks.

Olivia nods, and Lauren points Olivia toward a corner of her room where several dolls are sleeping in wooden beds.

"Damien made them and Mommy helped me sew the blankets and pillows," Lauren says proudly.

"They're very nice," Olivia says.

Just then, they hear the sound of a key turning in the front door and the door. Lauren stiffens and picks up one of her teddy bears, hugging it to her chest. From that action, Olivia reminds herself that Lauren is a child, and that the accusations she's making are out of fear rather than malice, and they aren't her fault. No matter how much she loves Alex and hates what this is doing to her, Lauren is a victim too.

She hears footsteps mounting the steps and reaches out to take Lauren's hand. "It's okay," she says softly, noticing how pale Lauren has gotten.

"No," Lauren whispers. "He'll be mad."

"Lauren, I promise you, Damien won't be mad at you."

"No. I broke a rule, and when you break a rule, you get punished."

"How do you get punished, Lauren?"

Lauren shakes her head. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Lauren –"

Suddenly, Lauren's door opens and her stepfather steps in. He raises his eyebrows when he sees Olivia. "Detective," he says curtly. "What are you doing here?"

Olivia feels Lauren trembling and gives her hand a squeeze. "You left your six-year-old stepdaughter home alone," she says. "That's not safe or legal, and I could arrest you right now for endangering the welfare of a child."

He smirks. "You're just upset that my little girl is telling the truth about what your girlfriend did to her."

"Irrelevant to the fact that you just broke the law – again," Olivia snaps.

"Why are you at my house?"

"I wanted to ask Lauren something, but when I found you weren't home, I couldn't leave her by herself. Aside form being unsafe, it's also against the law."

"Well, I'm home now, so you can leave."

Olivia knows that she won't accomplish anything by arguing, so she leaves, although her stomach starts to ache as she does so. This was her last chance, and she's accomplished nothing. Now it's time for her to go home to Alex and tell her that the odds of her beating this charge have just gotten significantly worse.

* * *

><p>Alex doesn't say anything when Olivia shares the news, but her face goes white and her body starts to shake a bit, although she tries to suppress it. "It's fine, Olivia," she says tightly, but the tremor in her voice belies her words. "You've done all you can."<p>

Olivia feels terrible. "I'm sorry, baby. I tried."

"I know you did. It's okay." Alex tries to compose herself and leans over to give Olivia a hug. She has to stay strong, for Olivia and for herself.

But when she's in the shower that night before bed, she finally lets the tears fall, hoping that the running water will drown out her sobs.

* * *

><p>The day of the trial finally arrives. Neither Alex nor Olivia have slept the night before, and both sit in the cab holding each other's hands in silence on the way to the courthouse. Neither of them knows what to say.<p>

Finally, they arrive at the courthouse. Both of them are glad that Liz has been able to call in a favor and convince the judge that it isn't safe for Alex to go through the front entrance. They silently enter the courthouse through the side entrance, where Serena is waiting for them. She quickly leads them to an office for a quick prep before the trial begins.

Liz meets them there a moment later. "I have some bad news," she says. "Since Olivia is going to be called as a witness, she won't be able to be present throughout the trial."

"What?" Olivia yells, wrapping a protective arm around Alex's shoulders. "Liz, I need to be in there!" The only thing that's allowed Olivia to function is the knowledge she will be able to support Alex through her trial, and now she's being told that she can't even be in the same room, and Alex won't be able to talk to her about what goes on, or else the prosecution can easily say her testimony is tainted.

"Olivia, you've been in court many times before and you know that if you're called as a witness, you can't watch the trial," Liz says patiently.

"No. Liz, I'll be in there. I have to be." Olivia gets up from her seat, slamming her fists against Liz's desk and making all the other women jump.

"Olivia . . ." Alex puts her hand on Olivia's back and the detective turns to meet her eyes. She sees the fear Alex is trying to hide and feels tears welling up in her own eyes. "They won't let you in. Don't do something that might get you in trouble, too. It won't help. I know you want to be there for me, and I want you and need you there more than anything, but I know you'll be there with me in my heart. Maybe after your testimony is over and neither side has any more questions or rebuttals they will let you sit in." Alex hopes this will appease Olivia, even though she knows it won't be the case.

Serena and Elizabeth know this as well, but both are glad to see Olivia relax at the thought. She sits down again and takes Alex's hand. "Liz, Serena, you have to promise me that you will protect Alex for me. You have to get them to understand." Olivia takes a deep breath and squeezes Alex's hand to keep from falling apart. She feels Alex's hand trembling in her own and suddenly, she can't hold it in anymore. She wraps her arms around Alex and buries her face in her princess' shoulder, finally allowing her tears to flow.

Alex holds her tightly, proud of herself for being strong enough and holding it together for Olivia. She can't bear to see Olivia in pain, and she'll do whatever she can to alleviate it.

Liz and Serena watch the two of them, somewhat uncomfortably, feeling like they're intruding upon a private moment. Finally, it's time to go, and Liz says, "Alexandra, your trial starts in ten minutes. We have to leave."

Alex suddenly feels as though she can't move. Her muscles seize up and all she can do is cling to Olivia. Liz waits a moment, then nods to Serena, who gently pulls them apart. "Come on, Alex," she says quietly, helping Alex to her feet.

Olivia watches helplessly as Alex is shepherded toward the courtroom. Alex glances over her shoulder for just a moment, blue eyes meeting brown unwaveringly as Alex says, in as strong a voice as she can muster, "I love you, Olivia Benson."

Olivia reaches out to Alex, the touch fleeting as she says, "I love you, too, Alex Cabot."

Alex steps away, and the courtroom doors close a moment later, leaving Olivia alone. She wraps her arms around herself, wishing she was in the courtroom with Alex, where she belongs. Tears rush to her eyes, and she jumps as she feels a hand on her shoulder. She turns around to find Elliot standing beside her, his hand resting on her shoulder. A mixture of anger, hurt, and sadness fills her body, but right now she can't fight it. She just needs her best friend. She needs someone to be there for her right now, because she can't be there for Alex, as she should be.

Elliot wraps his arms around Olivia. He knows that Olivia still isn't too happy with him, but she needs him now, and this is a start, at least.


	8. Chapter 8

"All rise for the honorable Judge Richard Bailey."

Alex gets to her feet, glancing around the courtroom and wishing she could see Olivia smiling at her from the gallery. She has to hold herself together, no matter how afraid she is. She has to stay strong. It's the only way she'll be able to get through this.

Alex recognizes the prosecutor sitting on the other side of the courtroom. He's not the same attorney who arraigned her – he's a senior prosecutor who is used to high-profile cases. Christopher Simmons. Alex has never liked him. She's always found him to be more interested in his own ego than the victims she works hard every day to protect. He's a good attorney – better than good, really – but he cares more about his win/loss ratio than justice. She's thankful that Liz is defending her – she knows Liz won't let Simmons put her away for a crime she didn't commit.

She hopes.

The judge sits. "You all may be seated but the accused." Everyone sits except Alex, who suddenly feels even more vulnerable than before. She can feel a million pairs of eyes on her, scrutinizing her, wondering if she really committed the heinous crime she's accused of. "The state of New York vs. Alexandra Cabot will begin today. Alexandra Cabot, you are charged with two counts of sexual abuse in the first degree. You have pled not guilty to these charges, correct?"

"Yes, Your Honor," Alex says, trying to keep the tremor from her voice.

"You may sit, Miss Cabot." Alex sits, carefully looking straight ahead and avoiding Liz's gaze, and Judge Bailey turns to the prosecutor. "We will begin with opening statements. Mr. Simmons, if you please."

"Thank you, Your Honor." Simmons rises from his seat and walks toward the jury. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, a heinous crime has been committed. An innocent six-year-old girl has been violated in the worst possible way by someone whose job is to uphold the law, not to break it. Someone whose job was to protect her, not to hurt her . . ."

Alex is barely listening to the words being said about her. She has to focus. She has to think. She can't let this get to her, and she needs to strategize. That's what she's good at, after all – figuring out loopholes, figuring out how to manipulate things to her advantage. If she shows emotion, if she gets upset, she loses, and she can't lose. Not this case, not Olivia, and not herself.

Serena reaches over and squeezes her arm, and Alex takes a deep breath to calm herself. With or without Olivia, she can do this. She's Alex Cabot, and she's strong enough. She has to be.

Liz gets up to make her opening statement, but Alex's mind is racing, not taking in anything Liz says. She tries to transport herself to a better place, a safer place. She pretends she's back in Olivia's arms, cuddling with her girlfriend in their bed and drifting off to sleep, snug in Olivia's embrace. In just a few short hours, she'll be back home, and the thought sustains her.

Liz sits down beside her and Serena leans over to ask Alex, "Are you okay?"

Alex nods and tries to focus. The prosecution has just called their first witness – Ms. Bradley. She sits down and states her name and address for the record.

Simmons steps up to question her. "Ms. Bradley, can you walk us through the events of May 2, 2002?"

Ms. Bradley explains how she was walking past the conference room and heard Lauren crying, then went in to see what was wrong. She tells the same story she's told several times before, and Alex tries to remain impassive as she listens. She wants to jump to her feet and scream that Ms. Bradley doesn't know what she's talking about, that she hasn't hurt – that she would never hurt – Lauren, or any child, ever. But she has to stay composed.

Simmons asks a few questions about Ms. Bradley's relationship with Lauren, then says, "Nothing further."

Liz approaches the witness stand. "Ms. Bradley, did you actually see Ms. Cabot touch Lauren in any way?"

The teacher hesitates. "No, but –"

"And your testimony is that Lauren disclosed to you that Ms. Cabot had molested her?"

"Yes."

"What exact words did she use?"

"She said, 'Alex touched me under my skirt'."

"Has Lauren ever made any allegations of this nature in the past?"

"No."

"Has she always been entirely candid with you?"

"Yes."

"Has she ever told you something that wasn't true in the past? Something she imagined or made up?"

Ms. Bradley smiles tightly. "She's six years old."

"Exactly."

"Six year olds don't usually make up claims of child abuse."

"But Lauren didn't specifically describe any kind of abuse to you, did she?"

"No, but –"

Liz raises her hand. "Nothing further."

Alex feels her heart pounding in her chest as Liz sits down beside her. Her head is spinning, and she grips the tabletop tightly in an attempt to anchor herself, to keep herself grounded. She feels like she's going to faint. There's no way out of this – either Lauren's credibility is going to be destroyed, to the point that when she makes an allegation against her stepfather, she won't be believed, or Alex is going to go to jail for a crime she didn't commit. And she fears it's going to be the latter.

She needs to be in Olivia's arms, with Olivia holding her and reassuring her that she loves her, and that she'll be there for as long as she can be. Although Olivia would say it's too early to tell, there's a sinking feeling in Alex's stomach that tells her that she's going to be convicted for this, that she's going to jail, that she's not going to see Olivia for a long time, and she doesn't want to waste a moment. She needs to be with Olivia while she still can.

Liz can feel Alex trembling beside her and glances at her. Alex's face is completely white and she looks like she's about to pass out. She quickly stands. "Your Honor, the defense requests a short recess."

The judge peers at her over his glasses. "Ms. Donnelly, we'll be breaking for lunch in an hour."

Liz looks at Alex again. Liz can tell she's close to her breaking point. "Your Honor, may I approach?"

Judge Bailey sighs and gestures for the lawyers to approach.

"My client needs a break," Liz says in an undertone. "She's not feeling well today and she needs some air."

"Guilt can do that to you," Simmons says.

Liz glares at him. "She needs a short break."

The judge sighs again. "Ms. Southerlyn, why don't you go get your client a glass of water? We'll have a recess in an hour."

Serena nods and the lawyers sit down again.

Another witness is called, but Alex isn't paying attention. Her head is swimming, and she shakes it to clear it. _Olivia! _she screams in her head, clamping her lips shut so as not to verbalize the thought. _Olivia, Olivia, Olivia _. . .

* * *

><p>Serena steps out of the courtroom and nearly bumps into Olivia, who is leaning against the wall beside the door. "How is she?" Olivia asks anxiously.<p>

Serena shrugs, debating whether or not to tell Olivia the truth. "She's not doing too well," she finally says. "I'm going to grab her a drink of water."

Olivia closes her eyes and counts to ten. "I need to be in there with her."

"I know, Liv, but trust me, she's in good hands."

"No, she needs me. And – and I need her."

Serena sighs. "I'm sorry, Liv. But you can see her at lunch, in an hour."

Olivia sighs too and brushes a hand through her hair. "Okay."

* * *

><p>Alex feels a hand on her shoulder and Serena presses a glass of water into her hand. "Drink this," she says quietly, and Alex brings the glass to her lips, obediently taking a sip.<p>

Alex looks up, her eyes suddenly hyper-focusing on Serena's. "Did you see –?"

"Shh. Yeah, I did. She's fine."

Alex nods and has some more water. It seems to calm her slightly. "Thanks, Serena."

Serena isn't sure if Alex is thanking her for the water or for telling her about Olivia, but she nods anyway. "No problem." She sits down on Liz's other side.

Alex takes another sip of water and tries to keep her mind on her trial. Some psychologist is speaking – Alex isn't sure why; she must have missed that part. ". . . hyper-vigilance, changes in eating and sleeping habits, change in school performance, and regressive behavior."

"And how much time have you spent with Lauren Davis and her family?" Simmons asks.

"I've spoken to her for several hours on three occasions and spoken with her parents at length."

"And to your knowledge, has she exhibited any of these behaviors?"

"Yes, most of them, in fact."

"And is this unusual?"

"No. For children her age that have been sexually abused, many of these behaviors are common."

"Thank you, Dr. Jacobs," Simmons says. "Nothing further."

Alex's chest feels as if it's caving in, and she struggles to breathe. Dimly, she recognizes that she's having a panic attack. This is a no-win situation, for her and for Lauren, and she knows that there isn't anything she can do to help the little girl. She's failed, and Olivia isn't even here to tell her otherwise.

* * *

><p>Finally, the judge calls a recess. "We'll break for lunch and be back in one hour," he says.<p>

Alex feels as though she's in a daze as Serena helps her to her feet and guides her toward the door.

Olivia's waiting for them and immediately wraps her arms around Alex, holding her close and sheltering her with strong arms from the crowd of onlookers that has gathered. She presses a kiss to the crown of Alex's head, not even caring about their audience. "Come on, baby," she says quietly. "Let's go to one of the lawyers' rooms."

There are several rooms within the courthouse for lawyers only that are well supplied with coffee and vending machines, and Alex will be safe from the mob there. Olivia will do what she can to protect Alex while she still has the chance, futile as it may be. In her heart, she fears that this is going to be over before it even begins.

She takes Alex's hand, finding it cold and clammy. She feels Alex trembling and gently turns her around, wrapping an arm around Alex's shoulder to steady her and keeping a tight grip on her hand as she leads her toward the opposite end of the courthouse, Liz and Serena at her heels.

Alex is silent except for a few quiet whimpers as she lets Olivia take her to the lawyers' room where they are going to eat lunch.

Olivia sits Alex down on a couch that looks as though it's a hundred years old and lowers herself down beside her. She takes Alex's hands and holds her gaze. "Princess, what's wrong? What happened? Talk to me."

"I'm going to go to jail," Alex finally says, in a quiet but level voice.

"Baby, no," Olivia says, even though Alex has voices her own fears. "The trial hasn't even really started yet – you haven't presented your evidence – Lauren hasn't even –"

"It doesn't matter. I'm going to jail."

"No, Alex. You didn't do it."

Alex shrugs and looks away from Olivia. "Even if I don't go to jail, Lauren's stuck with her stepfather. Either they believe that I hurt her or they believe that she's a disturbed child who doesn't even know what happened to her and that all of her allegations, including the ones against Anderson, are false." But despite herself, she feels herself starting to calm in Olivia's presence. Olivia always has that effect on her.

"Sweetheart, don't think about Lauren. We'll take care of her. You just focus on you, okay?" Olivia pulls Alex into a warm hug, holding her tightly and rubbing her back until she feels Alex relax in her arms. She kisses Alex's forehead and pulls back slightly, gazing into Alex's baby blues and tucking a strand of silky blonde hair behind her ear. "Let's have something to eat. I got you a sandwich."

Alex tries to force down her lunch, but even with Olivia holding her and gently stroking her hair, she can't stomach more than two bites. Olivia doesn't push her to eat anything more and holds Alex until Liz tells them it's time to go back in.

Alex clings to Olivia, not wanting to return to the courtroom, or be separated from Olivia. She has to admit that she's afraid, and she wants to prolong this for as long as she can.

"Alex," Serena says quietly, "come on." She holds her hand out to Alex.

"It's okay, baby," Olivia says, pressing a kiss to Alex's temple. "I'll see you in a few hours."

Alex bites her lip, but nods obediently and takes Serena's hand, allowing her friend to help her to her feet. She mutely follows Serena and Liz back into the courtroom and starts toward the prosecution table before Serena takes her arm and shakes her head slightly. Alex flushes. Instinctively, she's moved toward the prosecution table, but now she's been reminded of her place, and she ducks her head in shame as she sits down at the defense table. Serena squeezes her hand, but it's not enough. What Alex really needs is Olivia, and she's sure that a month from now, she won't even have that.


	9. Chapter 9

That night, Alex lies in bed with Olivia, tossing and turning in her girlfriend's arms. "I'm scared, Liv," she finally admits.

"Baby, don't be scared," Olivia says, pulling Alex closer to her. "I promise you, we're going to get through this together. I won't let you go to jail for this. You didn't do it, Alex. I know that."

"It doesn't matter." To her horror, Alex feels tears rushing to her eyes. "Let's just – let's just enjoy today, while we can, and have our time together."

"Alex –"

"Olivia, don't lie to me. All the evidence points to me. Lauren says I did it, Annabelle Bradley says Lauren told her I did it, her parents say I did it, the psychologist testified that she'd been abused, and according to Brooklyn SVU, I'm the most viable suspect. I have nothing to say to disprove it."

"Alex, _you didn't do it_. The jury will see that."

"How?"

"When you take the stand, they'll see that you just made a mistake and you didn't do what they're accusing you of."

"And if I fall apart on the stand and have a panic attack?"

"You won't."

"Liv, you didn't see me in court today. I couldn't _breathe_."

Olivia smoothes her hair back from her forehead, her heart clenching at the situation that seems to be getting more hopeless by the minute. "It's going to be okay, princess, I promise. I love you. I will always be here for you, and I'll do whatever I can. You just say the word, and I'll do whatever you need."

Alex curls against Olivia's side again. Her stomach coils as she thinks of taking the stand. It won't be for another week, at least, and she doesn't think she'll be able to survive that long. She can't sit in that suffocating courtroom, listening to horrible, untrue things being said about herself – or equally horrible, true things, that she can't speak of to Liz or Serena or even Olivia. And when those things come out in court and she hasn't told Liz, it will all be over. There's no other possible sequence of events.

Olivia feels the tension return to Alex's body and gently rubs her back. "Sleep now, princess. I promise I'll be here when you wake up, every day, for the rest of our lives."

Alex sighs. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

* * *

><p>The next two days of Alex's trial seem endless, and it's all she can do to sit at the defense table, fidgeting, until finally she's allowed to return to Olivia. Another psychologist testifies and so does Lauren's current teacher, as well as the doctor who did the rape kit, and on the second day, her mother and stepfather testify, and Alex has to clench her fists so as not to jump up and scream that Anderson is really the one who should be on trial, not her. Elliot also testifies, although the only purpose Alex can see for this is that Elliot saw Alex lift Lauren's skirt and isn't 100% sure that she's innocent.<p>

On day three, Lauren's recorded testimony is shown to the jury and the final witness is called to testify. Alex's heart nearly stops when she recognizes who this witness is – she hasn't seen him in nearly twenty years, and now she knows it's over and her worst fears have come to fruition.

Simmons asks him to state his name and address for the record, then says, "Do you know the defendant, Alexandra Cabot?"

"Yes, but I haven't seen her in about twenty years."

Simmons nods. "How do you know her?"

"She lived next door to us and babysat my daughter when she was fourteen."

"And how old was your daughter at the time?"

"She was almost five."

"And when did Ms. Cabot stop babysitting for your daughter?"

"When my little girl told me that Alexandra had touched her inappropriately."

"What did your daughter say, specifically?"

"That Alexandra was giving her a bath and had touched her genitals in a way that made her feel uncomfortable while bathing her."

"And what did you do?"

"Confronted her about it."

"And what did she say?"

"That Sabrina had wet herself and she was cleaning it up."

"And do you believe this to be the truth?"

"No. Sabrina hadn't wet herself since she was two."

"So what did you do?"

"I took Sabrina to the doctor and had her examined."

"And what did the doctor find?"

"That Sabrina's hymen was torn and that the area was irritated."

Simmons nods. "The People would like to enter into evidence Sabrina D'Angelo's medical records from this period of time," he says, holding up a stack of papers.

"So entered," Judge Bailey says.

Simmons approaches the witness stand and hands the papers to Mr. D'Angelo. "Will you please read the highlighted portion of these papers?"

Mr. D'Angelo nods. "Sexual abuse is suspected."

"And you suspected that Ms. Cabot is the one who abused your daughter?"

"Yes."

"Was she ever charged with this crime?"

"She was questioned by the police, but never officially charged, and Sabrina's case is still open. But I believe I know who committed the crime."

"Who?"

"Alexandra. That's why we no longer allowed her to babysit our daughter."

Simmons nods. "Thank you, Mr. D'Angelo. Nothing further."

Alex can feel Liz's eyes boring into the back of her head and knows Liz is wondering why Alex hasn't told her about this, why Alex has jeopardized her own case in this way. But she couldn't tell Liz anything that might make Liz think she's guilty, and she knows this is what will convict her. One crime she didn't commit is feasible, but two? Implausible at best.

Liz gets up and walks toward Mr. D'Angelo. "So you believe that Ms. Cabot molested your daughter when she was fourteen because your daughter's hymen was torn and her genital region was irritated?"

"Yes."

"Isn't it true that a girl can tear her hymen through a number of activities, including something as innocuous as riding her bicycle?"

"I'm not a doctor, so I can't say for sure."

Liz nods. "And isn't it true that the irritation to her genitals could have easily been caused by an infection such as a yeast infection?"

Mr. D'Angelo smiles tightly. "I highly doubt the doctors would have missed a yeast infection."

"When did you take your daughter to the doctor?"

"When she told me of the abuse."

"When did she tell you of the alleged abuse?"

Mr. D'Angelo bites his lip. "About a week after it occurred."

"So it is possible that the irritation was caused by a yeast infection that had subsided by the time she had her appointment?"

"I suppose it's _possible_, but the more likely explanation is that Alexandra Cabot sexually abused my little girl twenty years ago, just as she did with Lauren Davis."

"Objection!" Liz says sharply.

"Sustained," the judge says. "Mr. D'Angelo, please limit your responses to your own personal experiences."

Mr. D'Angelo nods.

Liz sighs. "Nothing further."

Judge Bailey turns to Mr. D'Angelo. "Mr. D'Angelo, you're excused."

"The prosecution rests, Your Honor," Simmons says.

Judge Bailey nods. "We'll break for lunch and return in an hour."

Sure enough, the second they're out of the courtroom, Liz says sharply, "Why didn't you _tell _me about this, Alexandra?"

"I know it looks bad –" Alex says quietly.

"You bet your ass it does! I can't defend you if you're not honest with me, Alex! What else are you hiding?"

"Nothing. The prosecution has no more witnesses."

"For now."

Alex sighs. "I didn't do it, Liz."

Liz rolls her eyes. "Of course you didn't. But I wish you'd _told _me and we could have _planned _for this!"

Alex isn't listening, because she's spotted Olivia, standing in the doorway and waiting with open arms. Alex gladly walks into them and lets Olivia hold her, relieved that Olivia hasn't been in that courtroom to hear all of that. She buries her face in Olivia's shoulder, and Olivia gently strokes her hair.

"Come on, princess," Olivia says after a moment. "Let's go sit in the lunchroom."

Alex follows Olivia into the lunchroom and settles down on the couch with her. Olivia wraps her arms around Alex and kisses her forehead. She doesn't ask what happened in the courtroom, but she can feel the tension between Alex and Liz and the tension Alex is carrying in her body. It makes her want to kill Damien Anderson.

* * *

><p>Alex can't sleep again that night, and even though she's wrapped in three blankets, a duvet, and Olivia's warm arms, she can't stop shivering. A sense of foreboding fills her to the core – she knows that even though the defense starts their case tomorrow, they're going to lose. She's going to be convicted and sent to jail, away from Olivia. But she can't say this, because Olivia will tell her she's just being silly and not to worry, and that everything will be okay. Olivia doesn't realize that Alex would prefer the truth to comforting lies.<p>

Olivia lets go of Alex so she can go turn up the heat in the apartment – again – and returns a moment later, pulling Alex into her arms again. "I love you, princess," she says, pressing a kiss to the crown of Alex's head. "No matter what happens, I will always love you."

Alex sighs and pulls the duvet more tightly around herself, trying to stop her teeth from chattering.

Olivia holds her close. "Is there anything I can do to help you, sweetheart?"

Alex shakes her head. "I'm okay," she says quietly. "You go to sleep, Liv. There's no point in both of us staying up."

Olivia starts to thread her fingers through Alex's hair and gives her another kiss. She doesn't say anything, knowing that Alex won't want to appear any more vulnerable than she's already been forced to be.

They stay like that all night, curled up together in bed, not sleeping, just taking comfort in each others' presence.

* * *

><p>The next day, the defense begins to present their case. There isn't much to say – Liz calls a few character witnesses, a psychologist, a doctor, and finally, on the second day, Alex herself.<p>

Alex tells the jury about Lauren's accusation against her stepfather and what actually happened while they were alone together. Finally, Liz says, "Ms. Cabot, did you molest Lauren Davis?"

Alex shakes her head. "No, I did not," she says clearly, biting her lip to prevent herself from continuing the thought – that she never has and never would hurt anyone in this way, that she finds Damien Anderson and his accusations despicable, that he should be the one on trial, not her.

Liz nods. "Nothing further." She turns to Simmons. "Your witness."

Alex feels her body start to shake again, but she clasps her hands and tries to calm down as Simmons approaches the witness stand. It's almost over. She's not sure if the thought is comforting or frightening.

"Ms. Cabot, your testimony is that you have never touched Lauren Davis' genitals, correct?"

"That's correct," Alex says firmly.

"So how do you explain the fact that your blood was found both under her fingernails and on her underwear?"

"I'm not sure, and I don't care to speculate. However, I can assure you that I did not molest that little girl." Alex hopes that this will be enough, but she knows in her heart that it won't be.

"So you say." Simmons raises his hand. "Nothing further."

The judge nods to Alex. "You may step down."

Alex stumbles slightly as she steps down from the witness stand. She's never been on this side of the courtroom before, and it feels surreal.

She's the last witness, and now it's time for the jury's deliberation. Alex is allowed to leave, but she stays at the courthouse, in one of the lawyers' rooms, while they wait for the verdict. Liz says they may not reach a decision today, but Alex doesn't care. She knows if she goes home, she'll be just as anxious as she is here, so it won't make a difference.

She sits on the couch with Olivia on one side and Serena on the other. Olivia keeps a protective arm wrapped around her and caresses Alex's trembling arm, unconsciously planting kisses on Alex's cheek every few moments and trying to keep her mind off the impending verdict. She tells Alex about a movie they should go see this weekend, if she doesn't have to work, and about a book she's read that she thinks Alex will like, but Alex isn't listening. Her mind keeps returning to the jury, and she wonders what they're discussing right now. Do they honestly believe she's guilty?

Hours stretch on, seeming to last an eternity, and finally Liz comes in and tells them it's time to go home. The jury hasn't reached a verdict yet, and they'll continue deliberating tomorrow.

So Olivia takes Alex home, and they wait. There's nothing more they can do.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day, Olivia and Alex don't go back to the courthouse to wait. Liz tells them the jury might not return a verdict for another day or two, so Olivia tries to keep Alex occupied for the day so she won't constantly be worrying about the impending verdict. It doesn't seem to be working.

Olivia's sitting on the couch, Alex curled into the crook of her arm, when the phone rings. It's Liz, telling her that the jury's returned and Alex needs to come to the courthouse right now. "We'll be there in a few moments," Olivia says, glancing at Alex, whose face has turned completely white. She feels Alex start to shake and absently strokes her arm. "No, she's fine . . . okay. We'll see you in ten minutes." She hangs up the phone and turns to Alex. "The jury's back."

Alex's trembling intensifies and she jumps to her feet, bolting toward the washroom. Olivia follows, her heart constricting when she sees Alex bent over the toilet and vomiting. Most of what comes up is just water; Olivia doesn't think Alex has had a proper meal in nearly a month.

She holds Alex's hair back from her face and rubs her back for several long moments. Finally, Alex finishes and stands up, wiping her mouth and straightening her spine. "Let's go," she says in as measured a voice as she can muster, and Olivia wraps her arms around her, pulling Alex into a tight hug.

"Alex, I love you. No matter what. Remember that."

"I know," Alex says quietly, but she keeps a tight grasp on Olivia's hand as they walk together to the car.

Alex can't stop shivering on the ride to the courthouse, and when they get out of the car to walk inside, the vultures swoop down upon them, snapping photographs and shouting at Alex, asking her whether she really did it, what she thinks the verdict will be, how she could have hurt such a little girl. Alex keeps her head down and Olivia takes off her jacket, wrapping it around Alex's shoulders and grasping her arms, both to propel her forward and to comfort, as if she could protect Alex from the crowd, from their angry words and morbid curiosities.

They meet Serena right outside the courtroom. "It doesn't look good," Serena says to Olivia, in an undertone, so Alex won't hear.

Olivia closes her eyes and tightens her grasp on Alex. "I'm coming in with her."

Serena nods. "Come on."

Olivia leads Alex into the courtroom, keeping a hand on the small of her back for support as she walks her to the defense table. Liz is already sitting there, her face impassive and set. She doesn't say anything as Alex sits down beside her.

Olivia wraps her arm around Alex's shoulders again, but Liz shakes her head. "Go sit down in the gallery, Detective."

Olivia sighs. She knows Alex needs her with her right now, but there's nothing she can do except obey. She presses a quick kiss to Alex's temple and goes to do as she's told.

When the jury comes out, Alex can tell by the looks on their faces that it's over. They've found her guilty. They think she molested Lauren.

Alex starts to feel faint. She reaches out for Olivia, but Olivia isn't there, and she forces herself to take several deep breaths as the judge says, "Madam Forewoman, has the jury reached a verdict?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

The judge nods. "Will the defendant please rise?"

Alex barely hears, and Liz yanks her to her feet.

"In the case of the People vs. Alexandra Cabot, how does the jury find the defendant?"

"We, the jury, find the defendant guilty of two counts of sexual abuse in the first degree," the forewoman says, and Alex squeezes her eyes shut. She feels unsteady on her feet and fears she's going to fall over, and blindly grasps Serena's hand to keep from doing so. She won't open her eyes – she won't let their audience see the tears she's trying so hard to hold back.

"The defendant is released until sentencing. Nine a.m. on Thursday," the judge says, which Alex vaguely realizes is the day after tomorrow. This is it. She has two more days of freedom, two more days with Olivia, and then she'll go to prison, for years. She doesn't know how she'll be able to handle this.

And then she's wrapped tightly in Olivia's arms, and Olivia's crying, and Alex can't help but bury her face in Olivia's neck, and she lets herself cry, too.

Olivia shepherds her out of the courtroom, shielding her from reporters and bystanders as they descend the courthouse steps. "I love you," she murmurs, kissing the crown of Alex's head. "I will always love you."

Alex doesn't say a word until she's home, cradled in Olivia's arms and nursing a cup of liquid whipped cream. Olivia gently strokes her hair, kissing away Alex's tears as they leak from her eyes.

"It's going to be okay, princess," she says through her own tears, but Alex shakes her head.

"No, Olivia." Alex is surprised by the strength in her own voice. "I'm going to prison."

"Alex, I will fight for you. I won't give up on you. I know you didn't do this, and I'll make the judge see that. I love you, baby."

"I love you, too," Alex says, and although she's trying hard to suppress her fear, she's absolutely terrified. She knows that prison isn't going to be a fun place for an ADA to be, especially one who's been accused of molesting a child.

But for now, there's just her and Olivia, and she knows she should take advantage of it while she can.

* * *

><p>Neither of them can sleep that night. They sit on the couch, holding each other and staring out at the city, illuminated by streetlights and billboards and the stars visible against the night sky, and Olivia lets herself cry until her tears finally run out. She wishes she could fix this for Alex – and for herself – but she doesn't see how she can. She knows Alex is innocent, and she knows that she can't let Alex go to prison for a crime she didn't commit, but what can she do?<p>

But she knows she can't lose her Alex.

"Please, angel, don't cry," Alex says when tears start to run down Olivia's cheeks again at the thought. She gently brushes them away and kisses Olivia's cheek. "Please."

Olivia holds Alex tighter and kisses her hair. "I love you so much." She's said the words a million times tonight – she has to, because she's not sure when she'll next have the chance.

"I didn't do it, Olivia," Alex says, and she can't help the half-sob that escapes her. "How can – how can they think that?"

"I don't know, baby." More tears leak from Olivia's eyes.

Alex burrows deeper into Olivia's embrace, surrounding herself with the warmth emanating from Olivia's skin. "Liv –"

"What is it, princess?"

"Will you –?" Alex looks away.

"Anything, baby. Just tell me what you want."

"Just – just hold me." Alex's eyes flicker up to meet Olivia's. Her baby blues are full of apprehension. "Please. Don't let go."

Olivia tightens her hold on Alex. "Never."

* * *

><p>Olivia refuses to let Alex out of her sight on Wednesday. She knows their days together are numbered and she's not willing to waste a second with her princess.<p>

They cuddle together on the couch and put on a movie marathon, complete with popcorn and liquid whipped cream. Olivia rubs Alex's back, strokes her hair, caresses her arm – she can't stop touching Alex. She needs to memorize the feel of Alex's body, so she'll be able to recreate it when Alex is gone.

* * *

><p>Thursday is the sentencing hearing, and it takes Liz, Serena, and Elliot to physically pry Alex and Olivia apart. Olivia's holding her love tightly in her arms, unable or unwilling to let go, and Alex's muscles are too tight and numb for her to move.<p>

Her body is limp as Serena extricates her from Olivia and leads her toward the defense table.

Alex barely hears as the judge sentences her to eight years in prison – four for each count. She knows in her head that eight doesn't really mean eight; it means three, with good behavior, but that doesn't even remotely lighten the blow.

Olivia's tear streaked face is burned into her mind as she's led out of the courtroom and loaded into a van destined for prison.

* * *

><p>Olivia is broken. She's terrified for Alex and angry at herself for not being able to protect her. Olivia knows what goes on in prisons. Guards and prisoners alike are dangerous, and Alex will be all alone. Olivia is scared of the danger Alex may pose to herself. She's seen the look in her princess' eyes for the past few days. They've been filled with pain and sorrow, and Olivia is afraid Alex will do something stupid. The thought fills her with dread.<p>

Her phone starts ringing again. Olivia has lost count of all the calls she's missed and she knows sooner or later her friends will be banging on her – on _their _door. It's still _their _apartment. Olivia will never think of it any other way. She will never abandon her Alex.

Olivia throws her phone across the room, accidentally hitting a picture of her and Alex. Crawling over to inspect the damage, she sees she has cracked the frame. Suddenly close to tears again, Olivia cradles the photograph against her chest, not even caring about the broken glass. Nothing can hurt her as much as she is hurting now.

Olivia is tired of evil winning and good people always getting the short end of the stick. Nowadays, if you are kind, loving, honest, and have a soul, you'll come out worse in the end. No good deed goes unpunished. Her princess has been trying to protect a little girl, and now she's been made the bad guy, and the true monster is free and blameless. He is being hailed as a hero for "protecting" his little girl.

She has to get away from their apartment. She has to get some fresh air and hopefully a fresh outlook. She can't stay here, cooped up with memories and anger and most of all, fear.

Olivia grabs her coat to leave, but then she remembers that once she steps out of the building, the reporters waiting outside will surround her like the vultures they are. They will ask her how she can continue to support her monster of a girlfriend, how she feels about Alex going to prison, if she still believes in Alex, if she still loves her. As if she could ever stop loving her Alex.

Closing her eyes, Olivia leans back against the door and slides down to the floor, pulling her coat tight against her. She feels so cold. The warmth and love in her life has been locked away, and Liz has told her she won't be allowed to see Alex for several weeks. She doesn't know how she'll survive even one more day without her princess.

Olivia shoves her hands in her pockets and her brow furrows as she feels something unfamiliar resting in one of them. She removes the object to see that it's a white envelope, addressed to her in Alex's flowing cursive.

Olivia opens the envelope, being careful not to tear it. The letter inside is all she has left of Alex today, and she won't wreck it.

Her heart constricts as she sees the tears that have stained the paper, and smells Alex's familiar perfume on the page. She feels tears rush to her own eyes as she starts to read.

_To my angel, Olivia,_

_I will never forget the moment when I first saw you. You took my breath away with just one look. You made my heart skip a beat with your smile. You occupied my thoughts every moment I wasn't with you. You stole my heart with just one kiss. You gave me yours when you first said 'I love you'. And our souls intertwined and become one when we made love. _

_I'm scared, Olivia. Yes, I'm scared for myself, but I'm more scared for you. Who will hold you at night after a bad case? Who will make sure you get something good to eat when you've been working for thirty hours straight? Who will make you laugh when you need it, or comfort you when you wake up from a nightmare? Who will protect you from the monsters we see? Who will love you as much as I do?_

_I'm so sorry, Olivia. I've hurt you and failed that little girl. I wish I could ask for forgiveness but I don't deserve it. Olivia, I know you promised me that you would prove my innocence, but Lauren needs you, and she's more important right now. Her stepfather is still hurting her. Please, Olivia, help her. _

_Olivia, you can be angry at me for abandoning you. You can be angry at me for being stupid and getting myself this situation, and not being strong enough or smart enough to get myself out of it. But please don't be angry at me for what I'm going to ask you to do. What I need you to do, is to find someone else to love you._

_I want you to move on. I can't ask you to forget about me or the times we shared. You have so much love inside you that you need to share with someone else that can love you as you should be. It's not fair to ask you to wait for me when I may not get out of here for nearly a decade. So I'm asking you, Olivia, please let someone fill your heart where I left that hole. You are my angel, my true love, but now is time to find someone else._

_You are my soul mate and the love of my eternity. I will never forget you. I love you, Olivia._

_Alex_

Olivia's tears stain the page beside the droplets already marking it. _How can she want me to move on? How dare she try to push me away to protect me? No, Alex you don't get to do that. I don't care if you think that you are doing it out of love. I am not giving up on you. You are mine and I am yours. I will get you out any way I have to. _Olivia kisses the letter and lets the comforting aroma of Alex's perfume linger for a moment before putting the letter back in its envelope and setting it next to the broken frame. The detective opens the door and walks out with a newfound strength, beginning her mission to free her princess. _I love you, Alexandra Cabot, and I'm not going anywhere._


	11. Chapter 11

Alex is pulled back to Earth as iron slams against iron. She looks around and sees the other prisoners who were brought in with her. One by one, each woman walks to the officer in claims and hands him their belongings. He records each item and gives it to the prisoner to look over and sign. Now it's Alex's turn. She only had her clothes with her since she's left all of her belongings at their – at _Olivia's_ apartment. Her place is here now, and she's going to have to get used to that.

Signing the paper feels almost like she's signing her freedom away, even though she knows she lost that as soon as she touched Lauren under her skirt. Then she's taken to a room and told to strip. She feels bile rising in her throat at the instruction. She's promised Olivia that she would be the only one who would ever see Alex naked, but now she doesn't have a choice. Removing her clothes for the last times, Alex stands in front of a correctional officer, unclothed and vulnerable, as another guard takes her clothes to the claims officer.

"Turn around, hands against the wall, legs spread," the correctional officer says.

Alex is too stunned to move. "Shouldn't – shouldn't a woman be doing this?" she says, terrified that this man is going to search her, that he is going to put his hands and fingers all over her and inside her. Only Olivia is allowed to touch her so intimately. But she's forgotten – here, she has no privacy. Here, she's not a person anymore, and what she wants or is comfortable with doesn't matter.

The guard yanks on a clump of Alex's hair and spins her around to face him. Forcing her jaw open, he searches the inside of her mouth while he speaks. "I am going to say this to you once, and hopefully it will only be once. Next time I will make sure there is a physical reminder. You will do everything each correctional officer says without question, hesitation, or complaint. You are a criminal, a child abuser. You are the lowest of the low. I will make sure every person in here knows this. If you don't behave, I will make sure they know you were a prosecutor as well. You probably helped put some of these other animals away." The guard shoves Alex up against the wall and leans forward, his breath hot and foul-smelling against her ear. "Now I want to hear a 'sorry, sir'."

Alex bites her lip. She won't say it.

The correctional officer pushes her further into the wall, pulling her head back by her hair. "Did you forget my instructions already?"

Alex whimpers and clamps down harder on her lower lip. She tastes blood, but still, she refuses to give in.

The guard twists her arm behind her back and slams her forward into the wall. Keeping her pressed against it, he snakes a hand around to grope one of her breasts, rolling her nipple and squeezing it tightly, and Alex sucks in her breath at the sudden pain. She remembers how Olivia used to touch her as they made love, so gently and intimately. She tries to think of that as the correctional officer's rough hands squeeze her breasts, pinching her nipples harshly. She remembers how Olivia touched her breasts, kissing them, cupping them lightly, tweaking her nipples in her tender, playful way. She remembers how adored it always made her feel, the way Olivia touched her as if she was a treasure, murmuring into her skin how beautiful she was, how precious, how special.

She forces the thought away. Olivia will never touch her so gently again. "I'm sorry, sir," she says through clenched teeth. She knows the pain won't stop until she obeys, no matter how much her pride aches as she gives in.

The guard twists her nipples one more time before releasing her breasts and pushing her further into the wall. "That's good there, fish. You're new here, but the sooner you realize that you're my and everyone else's bitch the smoother it will be for me . . . and for you." He chuckles, copping a quick feel before moving down and slipping a latex gloved finger inside her.

Alex swallows the sob that threatens to escape at the violation, and her ears ring with the sound of her heart shattering into a million tiny shards as her promise to Olivia is broken. She doesn't know why it means so much to her now – Olivia knows Alex would never cheat on her, and this isn't her fault, but in a moment of what she considered weakness, Olivia made her promise that no one else would ever touch her like this, and Alex promised, knowing that Olivia had been let down so many times in her life that it was sometimes difficult for her to believe that Alex wouldn't leave her, too. Now, the violation of her body seems also like a violation of her mind, and of her relationship with Olivia. That's the one thing she thought they'd never be able to take from her, but now they have.

"Did that little girl cry when you touched her like this, bitch? Is that what got you off?" The correctional officer forces her open and finishes the cavity search.

Alex tries to think of Olivia again, to imagine it's Olivia's fingers inside of her, giving her pleasure and making her feel loved rather than terrified. She remembers how Olivia always held her afterward, stroking her hair and telling Alex how much she loved her, covering her with kisses and promising forever.

Alex whimpers in pain as the guard pulls out of her. She tries to breathe, but can't help the gasp of surprise as cold water is blasted at her back. She turns quickly and is hit in the face with the stream. She tries to cover herself, to preserve what modesty she has left, but then the guard tosses some powder toward her, and a delousing agent burns Alex for a few moments. Then a cold blast of water assaults her once again.

Alex holds herself upright for a moment, not moving as she tries to regain her composure. She's freezing and hopes that she will be given a towel, but she's not afforded that luxury as she's pushed out into a hallway again. The guard shoves an orange prison jumpsuit into her hands, and Alex is about to put them on – for modesty's sake – when she's pushed into line with several other women. They are naked as well, and the women are herded down the hallway.

Alex's mind screams at her to say something, not to just obey like a sheep, but that guard had frightened her, and she doesn't want his hands on her again. They're taken into a large room filled with other prisoners. Alex's blush fills her whole body at the cat calls, hoots, and hollers being thrown in her direction.

"Quiet!" the correctional officer says, and the women stop talking.

He takes the woman in front by the arms, knocking her clothes to the floor in the process. Alex watches in horror at the abuse these prisoners are receiving. She used to think that these sorts of things only happened in movies, not in real life. Even when Olivia came home once after a tough case, bemoaning the prison system, she shook it off, insisting that these things were rare exceptions and not the norm. Exception or not, this is going to be her life for the next eight years.

"First item up for bids is aggravated robbery and assault with a deadly weapon. Bidding will start at four dollars!"

Alex's jaw drops. _They are auctioning us off to these women? What the hell is going on? _

A woman standing beside Alex voices her thought, and one of the other guards grabs the woman by her hair and says loudly enough for Alex to hear. "We're auctioning off cellies."

Alex turns her head as the correctional officer holding the first woman shouts out, "Sold!" and hands her off to her new cellmate, and what Alex fears in her heart . . . owner.

One by one each woman is sold off, and then it's Alex's turn. One pair of eyes has been raking over her body, appraising and judging it, from the moment Alex entered the room. Alex knows this woman has already claimed. The guard who's led her into the room grabs her and pulls her clothes out of her hands, leaving her completely exposed to the crowd. Alex tries to hide herself but another guard takes her arms and twists them behind her back, displaying her body even more openly/

"And our most valuable piece today, one former prosecutor for the great state of New York. In fact she probably put a few of you in here." He winks at Alex as she gulps in fear. "This one raped a little girl . . . so let's start the bidding at ten dollars."

Alex can tell that these women want to kill her right here and now, but only one hand goes up, the woman who's been staring at her for what seems like an eternity. This woman is white, about the same height as Alex, with dark brown eyes. Her hair is dark but buzzed short so that it's barely visible. The woman's arms, neck, and chest are covered in white supremacist tattoos.

"Anyone else?" The guard watches as no one raises their hands. "Good thing Tanya is in solitary Mason, otherwise she might outbid you. Sold!"

The guard shoves Alex to the floor, and a fresh bruise appears on her arm where he'd been holding her. Still in shock at being sold like an animal or an inanimate objectm Alex finally reaches for her clothes to cover herself up. A foot stops her and a shiver of fear runs up Alex's spine. The foot has fallen on her clothes and Alex pulls her hand away as Mason, now her owner, picks them up and starts toward her – _their _– cell.

"Come on, bitch. I don't like waiting and I got plans for you. And don't worry even that you are a fucking child rapist, I ain't gonna let anyone kill you. That would be letting you get off easy. Your ass is mine and anyone's I let have you." Mason throws Alex's prison uniform into the cell and drags Alex in with her, shoving her to her knees. "Stay."

Alex's words stick in her throat, so she just nods. Mason leaves for a moment and returns with a bucket full of soapy water. "This cell is filthy and you are going to clean it up. If I'm not satisfied, you will be punished even worse than you're already going to be."

Mason sits down on her bed, watching Alex carefully. Alex wants to protest, but Mason has a good twenty pounds of muscle on her, and that wasn't fat, and Alex knows she doesn't stand a chance. She looks down at the bucket and back at her owner.

"What are you looking at? Get to work, cunt."

Flinching at the insult, Alex glances around for a scrub brush, but doesn't see one. "Um . . . I don't see a brush."

Suddenly, Alex's scalp erupts in flames. She can't quite suppress the cry that escapes her as she reaches back in an attempt to stop the pain. Mason is holding a chunk of her blond hair and twisting it tightly.

"This is your brush, bitch, and next time you better address me correctly. It's master to you. No mistress or ma'am bullshit. I am the master of this house and you're my bitch. So get cleaning." Mason grabs Alex's hair again and shoves it into the bucket, pushing Alex to the ground. "Scrub."

Alex can't help the tears that well up in her eyes as she uses her beautiful hair to clean the dingy cell. The hair that Olivia once said could be mistaken for gold is now a scrub brush. She remembers how Olivia used to run her fingers through Alex's hair, how good it felt, how special it made her feel. She thinks of all the kisses Olivia has planted on her hair, all of the times they would watch movies together and she would lay her head in Olivia's lap and Olivia would stroke her hair. If only Olivia could see her now, see her as the monster she is. She failed Lauren, and she knows that whatever damage Mason does to her is nothing compared to the damage Damien Anderson is inflicting upon his daughter now. Alex can only hope that Olivia will do as Alex asked in her letter and move on, find someone who can love her fully and be there for Olivia, as she deserves, and forget about Alex. She deserves a life of her own and she deserves happiness, and Alex knows she can't provide either of those things for Olivia.

After awhile, Alex's skin is glistening with perspiration and her face is red and puffy from crying. Stopping a moment to catch her breath, Alex notices that she has badly frayed her hair. Some would call it vanity, and maybe they're right – Alex has always loved her beautiful golden tresses – but with her hair, she feels like she's lost a tenuous connection to Olivia.

"Look at what you did to your hair, you whore. Can't you do anything right? The floor is still disgusting and your brush is ruined. Get up and come with me." Mason throws Alex an old, holey wife beater shirt that stretches to her thighs. "Put this on. You haven't earned the right to wear those clothes yet."

Mason pushes Alex out of the cell and toward a guard. "Hey, Tony. This bitch needs a haircut. She keeps beggin' for one. Can we go to the barber shop?"

Tony looks Alex up and down, smirking. He can already see that Mason has claimed and broken Alex. "Yeah, why not? The girl's hair is disgusting. What did you make her do, clean the toilet with it?"

"No, but damn I should have. Just got done cleaning our cell floor. Didn't have a brush so we improvised. I said we should go ask for one but she wanted to use that pretty hair of hers." Mason snickers.

Alex wants to scream that she didn't want to scrub the floor, that she doesn't want to wear the ratty wife beater shirt, that she doesn't want to get her hair cut, but it doesn't matter. She doesn't have any control right now, and her hair is ruined anyway. It's not like it won't grow back over the next eight years.

Suddenly, she remembers something she learned when she was studying the Holocaust in high school – Jewish prisoners in concentration camps often had their heads shaved, and sometimes their hair grew back in a different color than it had been before. The thought makes Alex's stomach clench and she wants to beg her owner to let her keep her hair, but she knows it won't do her any good. She can't imagine her hair growing in a different colour, but really, it's just hair. Protecting her body from the pain she's sure Mason will readily inflict upon her is more important than maintaining a shred of dignity.

They arrive at the barber shop and Mason pushes Alex into a chair, then tells the guard to lock her in. As the guard cuffs her, Mason bends down to whisper in her ear, "Well, pet, your first punishment will be losing these ugly little locks. We are gonna shave you bald."

Alex's body tightens and she starts to struggle against her restraints. She hasn't really thought they would shave her bald, just trim the damaged areas. A hard slap from Mason convinces her to stop fighting, and tears leak from her eyes as her cellmate and master grabs her chin, forcing Alex's gaze onto hers.

"Get this fucking straight. You have no choice and the more you fight it the worse it will get. This is part one of your punishment and it is light. In fact I want you to thank me for allowing you to get a haircut."

Alex refuses to. She had some fight in her and she's not going to thank the woman in front of her. She won't beg or thank her master for the abuse.

Mason slaps her again and Alex sees stars. No one has ever hit her before today, and she's more humiliated than she's ever been in her life. And it _hurts_, more than she thought it would.

"Say it!"

Alex shakes her head, but she feels her defenses weakening. "No," she whispers, and Mason can see that she's starting to break.

Mason hits her again, harder this time, and Alex's head snaps back with the force of the blow. "Do you want to be punished again?"

Alex swallows hard and says so softly that she's barely audible, "Thank you, Master." She just wants this to be over.

Mason grabs her arm and squeezes it so tightly that Alex gasps at the pain. "Louder."

Alex blinks back her tears. "T-thank you, Master."

Mason nods slightly. "Better." She grabs an electric razor and starts to shave Alex's head. "After I make you look like you should, I'm going to punish you more when we get back to my cell. That will teach you to obey right away for next time. Since you are now my property, you will be tattooed," Mason says, finishing with Alex's hair and dropping the razor.

"Yes, Master," Alex whispers. Agree for now and fight later. She's too tired to fight now. She glances at herself in the mirror and doesn't recognize Alex Cabot. She's starting to look like the monster everyone thinks she is.


	12. Chapter 12

**Warning: Graphic violence and M-rated themes ahead. Please, no flames. If you don't like, don't read.**

Mason marches Alex back to the cell and pushes her in. Alex catches herself on her knees, and when she looks up, three other woman are in her cell. They are tattooed like Mason and have their hair buzzed like hers.

Mason shoves her to the floor, turning her head to the side so that her left cheek is aimed toward the ceiling. Alex tries to fight them, but she is too tired and in too much pain to win. She sees a fourth woman enter the cell, carrying something she can barely see. Mason sits on her back and holds her head down with her forearm.

The woman sits in front of Alex and Alex sees a needle and a cup of what looks like ink. "Now pet, I am going to have you marked," Mason says with a lecherous smile. "You better not screw this up for Nicki here. Don't fight it."

Nicki slowly tattoos Alex's cheek. Alex wants to scream but fears what the women will do to her. The pain is excruciating, but finally it's over and the woman moves away. Mason doesn't move, though, still pressing her knee into Alex's back as she angles a small mirror to show Alex the new tattoo. A swastika.

Mason lets her up, and Alex starts to cry. She crawls away, not daring to get to her feet lest they push her down again. She curls up under the bed, trying to make herself as small as she can, to hide from the women.

She's broken. Olivia will never want her now, with this evilness marking her skin. "We'll get it removed," she says quietly in an attempt to comfort herself, but it doesn't help.

This day keeps getting worse. First she is taken from her love Olivia, and that was bad enough, but then she was molested by the guard, beaten, shaved and now tattooed. She has truly become the monster everyone sees, alone and surrounded by hate and fear.

* * *

><p>Alex stays under the bed until the women leave and Mason leans down to meet Alex's eyes. "Get up, cunt. It's chow time and I'm not leaving you alone."<p>

Alex doesn't want to leave the haven she's found under the bed. Her cheek is bleeding from the tattoo and her body is aching from the abuse and stress. But her owner drags her out from under the bed and hits her face, aggravating her tender cheek. Alex falls back onto the ground, whimpering.

"Now follow me, and answer me when I talk to you."

"Yes, Master," Alex whispers, ducking her head in shame as she follows Mason out of the cell.

Alex's head is pounding and her vision is blurry. They prison has yet to issue her glasses that can't be used as "weapons". She follows Mason closely and tries to avoid the gazes of the other women. She remembers the warning she was given when Mason first bought her – _you belong to me and whoever I want to share you with. _When will she start letting the other women around her? The threat fills Alex with fear, and she finds herself sticking close to Mason in the hopes that Mason won't let anyone else hurt her. Mason herself is bad enough, and Alex doesn't think she'll be able to handle any more pain.

Alex desperately wants to ask the guards for help but she knows they won't help her. It all started with them.

Alex instinctively grabs a tray, but Mason backhands her for what seems like the hundredth time today. "Did I say you could take one? You don't do anything unless you ask me and I let you. Do you want to eat?" When Alex nods, she says, "Then beg for it."

Alex won't beg, no matter how hungry she is. She just looks away, knowing if she glares at her owner, she will be beaten again.

Mason smirks. _She still has fight in her, but I will fuck and beat that out of her._

"Fine. No food for you then." Mason pushes Alex to a table and shoves her to her knees. "Don't move an inch, pet."

Mason returns to the line for her dinner, and Alex takes a moment to look around at the other prisoners, trying not to lock eyes with them because she's afraid such a bold action might be seen as a threat. She sees a few of the women that had been brought in with her and auctioned off. A few have bruises and bumps but nowhere near as many as Alex.

The slam of Mason's tray gathers her attention. She glances at the food and is almost glad she passed on eating, although her stomach is twisting from hunger.

Her owner catches the look that flits across Alex's face. "Stop acting so high and mighty, bitch. You will eat this once you learn your place. And a fucking child rapist has no room to judge anyone here." Mason shovels food into her mouth, glaring at Alex, who nervously tugs on a loose thread on her shirt. She clenches her legs tightly so no one will know it's all she's wearing.

_How can this have gotten so bad so quickly? God, where is Olivia? I need her so much. Please God, let this be a nightmare. _She's already forgotten her promise to forget Olivia, and the letter she wrote asking Olivia to forget her. She's in too much pain for that.

Alex is surprised she has any tears left as she is dragged out of the cafeteria and back into the hellhole that is her new home.

* * *

><p>Alex lies on the dank floor of her cell that night where Mason has forced her to sleep. She's shivering, and Mason won't give her any clothes or blankets to keep her warm. She's tried to cover herself with her hands, but it doesn't help much. Her whole body aches from the beatings she's received throughout the day, and she doesn't know how she's going to survive eight years of this. She'll die. Her heart aches for Olivia, and she feels horrible for feeling this way. She needs to let Olivia move on, let her be happy, instead of dwelling on what they could have had.<p>

She feels like a child in desperate need of her mother's soothing touch, and tries to do for herself what she knows Olivia would do for her if she was here. She wishes she could run her fingers through her hair, but her beautiful hair is gone now, and the thought brings tears to her eyes again.

She tries to push the thought away and caresses her own cheek, but try as she may, she can't transform her own hands into Olivia's strong, warm ones. It's just her, stroking her own cheek, and not her love.

Finally, Alex lets her tears spill over. Although she tries to stay quiet about it, she can't quite stop the cries that seem to come almost of their own volition.

Mason kicks Alex in the ribs. "Shut up," she says, and Alex instinctively curls into herself, to protect her body from any more blows.

Alex presses her hands tightly over her mouth, trying to hold back her sobs. She wraps her arms around herself, trying to pretend that it's Olivia hugging her, soothing her, loving her.

"Olivia," she whispers, and once the words are out there, she can't stop herself from repeating them, over and over until they've melded into a mantra. "Olivia, Olivia, Olivia . . ."

Suddenly, Alex feels strong arms grasp hers and yank her to her feet. She can't help the whimper that escapes or the plea that slips past her lips. "Please –"

Mason smacks her across the face, and for a moment, Alex sees stars. "If you can't follow instructions, maybe you need a little incentive."

Alex shakes her head. After a day of pain and terror, she doesn't want to find out what Mason has planned for her. She's past the point of even trying to hide her fear.

Mason flips her over as if she's no more than a rag doll, her gaze lingering between Alex's legs. "Mm. Look at this," she says, smirking as she fingers the curls that rest there. "I think someone's wet for me."

Alex forces her body to be still, not wanting to earn another punishment by fighting back. She closes her eyes and prays for Mason to just rape her and get it over with.

Mason plays around Alex's entrance for a few moments. "You want me to touch you, don't you?"

Alex doesn't move.

"Beg me to fuck you."

Alex whimpers. "Please, Master," she says, her voice cracking. "Please f-fuck me, Master."

Mason grins. "No, I don't think so." She pulls her hands away. "Now shut up and go to sleep, whore."

Alex rolls onto her side, grateful that somehow she's escaped being raped, or so it would appear. _Olivia_, she says again, but it's only in her head. No one can take her memories of Olivia away from her, and she's glad.

* * *

><p>"Liz, I have to see her. I have to know she's okay," Olivia says as she paces Liz's office, wringing her hands in desperation.<p>

"Olivia, I'll go see her on Monday. That's the best I can do," Liz says quietly.

"That's three days away! I need to see her myself."

"I'm sorry, Olivia, but you can't. Not for several weeks, anyway. But I'll go see how she's doing." Liz catches Olivia's eye. "I'm sure she's fine," she says, but the words sound hollow even to her own ears.

"No, Liz. You know what happens in prisons, especially to child abusers." Olivia pushes away the thought of Alex in prison, being degraded and violated in ways she can't even fully comprehend, forcing herself for focus on Liz. "Alex didn't hurt Lauren Davis. You know that." Olivia's voice breaks. "She needs me, Liz, and I can't be there for her."

"Olivia, I assure you that Alexandra can take care of herself."

Olivia shakes her head. No, Alex can't take care of herself, at least not as well everyone thinks she can. Sure, that's the persona she tries to portray, but Olivia has seen her at her weakest. Rare as they were, Olivia had been there when Alex was at her most vulnerable, when she would wake up crying in the middle of the night, needing to be held and assured over and over again of Olivia's unconditional love for her, Olivia's warm embrace promising Alex without words that things would be okay.

She remembers the moments of intimacy between them. When they made love for the first time, and both of them cried afterward because neither could remember ever feeling so loved before. She remembers falling asleep with her Alex in her arms, and how secure Alex's presence always makes her feel. She remembers the hushed "I love you's", whispered every night before bed, between kisses while they made love, before they hung up the phone after every call. No one would ever know it to look at them, but Alex and Olivia are both romantics at heart.

She will never forget Alex. She couldn't if she tried, and she'll never stop fighting for her princess. "Liz, I need her." Olivia's voice cracks. She hates showing weakness, particularly to anyone that isn't Alex, but with Alex gone, so is a huge chunk of her soul. She needs her Alex back in her arms.

"Olivia, I promise I will do whatever I can to help Alexandra," Liz says.

Olivia takes a deep breath and nods. "I know you will. Please, Liz – tell her I still love her. Tell her I'll never forget her. I can't, Liz. I won't." She swallows hard. "Take care of her for me. Please."

Liz nods, too. "Of course."

* * *

><p>The next morning, Mason wakes Alex with several well-placed kicks to her ribs, when Alex's eyes fly open and she instinctively curls to protect her ribcage, Mason yanks her to her feet. "Get up, cunt. It's time to shower."<p>

Alex nods and reaches for her prison uniform, wanting to cover her body to preserve as much dignity as she can, but Mason knocks her hands away.

"Clothes are a privilege you'll have to earn, pet," she says with a sickly sweet smile. "Now come on." She holds a hand out to Alex, and this action, above all others, is the one that makes her want to cry. It's almost worse than the relentless beatings she endured yesterday.

She forces herself to take Mason's hand. _Olivia_. She has to think of Olivia. She pretends it's Olivia's soft, warm hand in hers, sending jolts of electricity up her spine at the contact. She remembers their first date, when Alex and Olivia want out for dinner and then for a long walk through Central Park, their hands intertwined. Olivia was such a gentleman, arriving with half a dozen roses when she came to pick Alex up, holding open doors for her, giving her a gallant bow and kissing her hand when she dropped Alex off. "We'll have to do this again sometime," she'd said, and Alex remembers the way her heart practically stopped as she tried to keep her voice from betraying her giddiness at the thought. "Absolutely," she'd said, and Olivia had kissed her hand once more before disappearing into the night.

Alex slept with her hand curled under her chin that night, inhaling the scent of Olivia's vanilla lip gloss and pretending Olivia was in bed beside her.

Alex is jolted back to Earth when they reach the showers. There's no privacy here, just an open area where all the women will wash themselves as the guards look on. They don't even try to pretend they're not enjoying themselves.

One of the correctional officers stops Alex by placing a meaty hand on her shoulder. "Where's your uniform?" he asks her.

Alex shudders and doesn't answer, turning slightly in an attempt to cover up her nakedness.

The guard turns her back to face him, letting his gaze rake over her breasts. "I asked you a question, bitch. Where's your uniform?"

"She didn't want to wear it this morning," Mason says. "I told her she had to or else she'd be punished, but she wouldn't listen."

Alex forces herself to bite her lip, although she wants to cry out that this absolutely isn't the case. She knows it won't do her any good. Once, she had faith in the system – was it only a month ago that she believed that prisons were truly the best place for offenders? She used to believe that people were truly good at heart, but her opinion is quickly starting to change.

The guard narrows his eyes at Alex. "Filthy whore." He shoves her toward the showers. "Go. You, too," he says to Mason.

Alex shivers as she stands beneath the cold spray, watching as Masson undresses. "What are you staring at, cunt?" Mason asks when she notices Alex staring, and Alex immediately drops her gaze. Her tattooed cheek burns as the water hits it, reminding her of her place. She's not Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot anymore. She's not Alex, Olivia's princess and true love, anymore. She's Mason's property, nothing more.

Mason picks up a washcloth and lathers it with soap. "Come here. Better get you cleaned up for later. You're disgusting."

Alex wonders what's going to happen later, but she doesn't dare ask. She closes her eyes in humiliation as her owner starts to wash her and tries to think of Olivia. She remembers how they used to shower together, how Olivia would wash her, playfully but tenderly, delicately, as if Alex was too precious to mark, to mar, to break.

She tenses as Mason shoves a hand between her legs again, toying with her clit. Alex hisses; the sensation is more painful than anything, and Mason snickers. "You want me to fuck you, don't you, you whore?" she says, and Alex wonders vaguely if Mason simply enjoys the sound of these words and the fear they evoke, because Alex is fairly certain that Mason won't rape her here, right under the guards' noses.

Mason pinches her clit, and Alex tries to squeeze her legs together, but Mason forces them apart again. Alex doesn't think she's ever been so humiliated in her life, and she can't help the tears that rush to her eyes. She begs her body to be still, to recognize that it's not her love, Olivia, touching her, but her owner, Mason.

"No." The words slip past her lips almost of their own volition as Mason keeps playing with her clit, clearly trying to get a reaction, and Alex knows she's given Mason what she wants. The thought fills her with shame.

Mason smirks. "That feels good, doesn't it, pet?"

Alex shakes her head. "No. Please –"

Mason smacks her. "No, what?"

Alex whimpers. "No – no, Master."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"Yes, M-Master." Alex feels tears rush to her eyes. In just twenty-four hours, she's been reduced to this, begging for Mason not to rape her.

Mason pushes Alex to her knees. "Beg me, you whore."

Alex's tears start to fall unchecked now as she ducks her head and whispers, "Please, Master, don't hurt me."

"Mm. You beg so nicely, pet." Mason yanks her to her feet. "I want you to wash me. If you don't do it properly, you'll be punished."

Alex quickly gets to work, doing as instructed and washing Mason with the cloth.

The water turns off a moment later, and Alex steps out of the shower with Mason. A guard throws them towels, but Mason takes Alex's towel for herself and wraps it around her hair. She grabs Alex's hand again and half-drags her back to their cell.

* * *

><p>Soaking wet, freezing, and filled with shame, Alex tries to hide her nude body from the other prisoners. She can't help the guilt that's coursing through her veins at letting so many others see her body in this way, especially after promising Olivia that she would be the only one to have that privilege. She knows now that it's futile.<p>

When they get back to their cell, Mason strips off the towel she's wrapped around herself and picks up her prison uniform, starting to dress.

Alex ducks her head in shame. "May I please have some clothes?" Her face turns red, the blush spreading as she realizes that she's been relegated to this, begging to be allowed to dress.

"Excuse me?" Mason glares at Alex.

Alex realizes her mistake and forces herself to swallow her pride. "May I please have some clothes, Master?"

"You're going to have to earn them, pet. I already told you that. Are you ready to earn them?" Mason smirks.

Alex is just so tired, and in so much pain. She wants to fight and not give in, but her desire for clothes wins out. Bracing herself for whatever Mason will ask of her, Alex just nods. Her throat is tight and she can't push any words past her lips.

Mason decides that's good enough for now. There will be time later for begging. "Well, get to it." She parts her legs, displaying dark curls between her legs, still damp from the shower.

Alex swallows hard. "What?"

"I told you, you have to earn it. Now get those pretty lips and tongue of yours to work, cunt."

"No." Alex can't do that. She won't cheat on Olivia, even for clothes.

A sharp slap sends Alex to her knees. "You shouldn't tease me, pet. Now you have to be punished." Mason continues to rain blows upon her new property while Alex curls up in a ball, covering her head with her hands in an attempt to protect herself from the pain Mason is inflicting.

"Mason! Guards!" a woman's voice calls from another cell, and Mason quickly starts to dress, abandoning Alex.

Alex lies on the ground, her hands still over her head as she whimpers in pain. She tastes blood in her mouth from one of Mason's punches and tries to muffle her cries.

A guard approaches their cell. "Being a little rough, aren't you?" he says to Mason, glancing at Alex.

Mason shrugs. "Got to show them how the system works."

"Aren't you an angel. Cabot, you have a visit from your lawyer, but you don't seem to be in any condition to see her. Guess I'll have to tell her to come back. You're going to the hospital to get that lip looked at. Get up." The correctional officer pulls Alex to her feet. "Where's your uniform?"

Mason hands it to the guard, and he shoves it at Alex.

"Get dressed."

Alex glances at Mason, who just glares at her, and she shivers as she does as she's told. The guard snaps handcuffs onto her wrists and leads her out of the cell, away from her master.


	13. Chapter 13

Elizabeth Donnelly paces back and forth in a conference room, waiting for Alex to be brought in. Alex has spent the past two days in prison, and Liz is worried about her. Liz was able to talk Olivia down today, but she hasn't admitted to the detective that she is just as scared for Alex as Olivia is. They both know the horrible things that go on in prisons, and she can't help but worry about Alex. Attorneys in prison are always going to be targets, and sex offenders – _alleged _sex offenders. She knows Alex didn't commit the crime she was convicted for, and she needs to see Alex to assuage her fears for her.

Checking her watch and huffing, Liz turns to see a guard enter the conference room. "Where is my client?"

"I'm sorry, Ms. Donnelly but your client slipped in the prison shower this morning and is in the hospital having her injury treated. You'll have to come back another time," the correctional officer says.

"Bull. Aside from the fact that I highly doubt Ms. Cabot slipped in the shower, I want to see her anyway. Take me to the prison hospital."

"I'm sorry, but that's against regulations. It's for your own safety." The guard moves to guide Liz out the door.

"Do _not _touch me. I am Ms. Cabot's attorney and I have the right to see her." Fear grips Liz's soul as her mind races through all the possible things that could have happened to Alex.

"I'm sorry. You're going to have to get permission from the higher ups, Ms. Donnelly. You're going to have to leave."

"Fine. But know that there will be consequences for denying my client the right to see her lawyer." Knowing there's nothing more she can do right now, Liz storms out, trying to disguise her fear with anger.

* * *

><p>Alex wakes up in the hospital several hours later, rolling onto her side and wincing in pain as her broken body touches the hard mattress of the hospital bed. She brings her hand to her mouth for a moment, feeling her lips to make sure they're no longer bleeding. One of the doctors stitched up her lip earlier and gave her an Ambien so she could sleep, and now her whole body aches.<p>

A guard stands over to her, speaking to the doctor. "Her lawyer was here," he says, clearly referring to Alex. "But I said she was hurt and her lawyer couldn't see her."

_Lawyer _– "Liz?" Alex says aloud, her heart rate quickening. Liz is here. If Liz is here, maybe Liz can protect her, now that she's unable to protect herself. Maybe she can tell Liz –

No. She won't be able to tell Liz what happened. She's too ashamed. But Liz's presence will give Alex comfort anyway. Maybe instead of speaking through a two-way mirror, she'll be allowed into a conference room, and maybe she can give Liz a hug, and reaffirm for herself that touch can be good, and comforting. Of course, she's not generally a physical person, especially with her boss, but it's been a long two days, and she'll seek physical comfort from anyone who cares about her at this point. She'd really like to see Olivia, but she knows that's not going to happen, and she doesn't want Olivia to be hung up on her forever. Olivia deserves to move on.

"She left," the guard says.

Alex summons up all the composure she can muster. "I'd like to see my lawyer. I have a right to consult with counsel at any time."

The correctional officer chuckles. "Another day, if you behave."

Alex feels tears rush to her eyes at the hopelessness of the situation, but she blinks them back. There's nothing she can do now. She lies back down on the hospital bed and forces herself not to cry.

* * *

><p>When Liz returns to her office, she finds Olivia waiting for her. Her eyes are almost imploring, eager for information, alive for the first time in days. "How is she? Is she holding up all right? Is she eating anything? When can I go see her? Did you tell her –?"<p>

Liz just shakes her head, and Olivia wilts, her face falling. She seems to retreat into herself, putting up a wall once again.

"Oh," is all she says.

Liz sighs. "I'm sorry, Olivia. One of the correctional officers told me that she's in the prison hospital. Apparently, she slipped in the shower. I'll be looking into it, of course."

Olivia clenches her fists, unable to stomach the thought that Alex is in pain and needs her now, but she can't be there for her. There's nothing she can do for her love, and she's never felt more helpless in her life. "You have to try to see her again."

"I will, tomorrow, or the day after. So I don't want you to worry, Olivia. I'll make sure Alexandra is looked after."

"You can't, Liz." Olivia nearly stamps her feet in frustration. "She's hurt. She needs me. She needs to know I still love her and I'm still there for her. She needs me to hold her, but I can't, because I'm not there!"

"I know, Olivia, and I promise I will do whatever I can to get you in to see her."

Olivia nods. It isn't enough, but for now, it will have to be.

* * *

><p>When a correctional officer comes a few hours later to take Alex back to her cell, she starts to panic, terrified of what Mason will do to her. "I want to see my lawyer," she says, but the guard ignores her, unlocking her cell and shoving her in.<p>

Alex catches herself on her knees, glancing at Mason and starting to tremble at the venom she sees in Mason's eyes.

Mason moves to stand in front of her, staring down at Alex. "Strip."

But now that Alex has her clothes back, she's not about to give them up without a fight. "No," she says, bracing herself for the anticipated blows.

Mason sighs. "All right, pet. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. I'm going to count to three, and when I get to three, I'm going to strip you. One . . . two . . . three."

Before Alex even has a chance to process the threat, Mason has pulled her to her feet and is tearing at her prison uniform. Alex tries to push Mason's hands away, to squirm out of her grasp, but Mason is much stronger. She grabs Alex's wrists with one hand and pins them behind Alex's back as she uses her other hand to pull Alex's clothes off. Within minutes, Alex is naked again, and Mason shoves her back onto the floor. Once again, Alex is filled with shame at the exposure, and she tries to cover her nude form with her hands.

Mason grabs her arms and twists them until Alex whimpers in pain. "You do not hide from me. You are my property, and that means you're mine to view as I want, and I want." She licks her lips. "If you want clothes, you'll earn them."

Alex can think of a million things that are wrong with this argument, but she knows that her sharp legal mind won't help her out of this situation. She just has to take whatever Mason dishes out and try to figure out how she can get to see Liz. She doesn't know what Liz will be able to do for her, but surely there will be something.

She shudders as she feels Mason's rough hands close over her breasts, squeezing them before running her hands up and down her sides, tracing over Alex's entire body. Alex tries to stay still, but she can't help her shaking, even though it only seems to enhance Mason's pleasure. "Maybe if you're a good girl, I'll touch you later," Mason says with a smirk.

Alex turns her head away. She sincerely hopes not. "Let go of me," she says in as strong a voice as she can muster, even though she knows it'll earn her a punishment.

Mason chuckles. "Take a look around, pet. There's no one here but you and me. Do you really want to know what I can do to you with no one else around?"

Alex hesitates before slowly shaking her head. No, she really doesn't. But her pride won't allow her to give in so easily.

Mason pats her head. "Very good. If you want clothes, you're going to have to beg me, and you're going have to do what I ask of you. If not, well, you can just stay like this."

Alex shrugs, trying to appear nonchalant as she gets to her feet. "Fine." She's trying to pretend she has even a modicum of control in this situation, but they both know it's a lie.

Mason smacks her hard. "No. Kneel. You're going to stay kneeling."

Alex forces herself not to bring her hand to her burning cheek as she lowers herself to her knees again, hating that she's been reduced to this. She holds her head high, trying not to show how much she's hurting.

Even as her knees start to ache, Alex knows better than to stand up without permission, and she knows better than to ask for permission until Mason is ready to give it. She tries to pretend she's home with Olivia, safe in her girlfriend's warm arms. "Olivia." The words escape on a whimper, almost of their own volition, and Mason's head snaps up.

"Shut up."

Alex bites her lip and tries to do as she's told, but she can't help her quiet whimpers. Her knees hurt and she's hungry and cold and ashamed, of her nakedness and her demeaning position. Her heart physically aches with a loss she's never felt before; she doesn't think she's ever been so lonely in her life, and she feels as though a piece of her soul is missing. Olivia.

She brings her hand up to caress her own cheek, pretending it's Olivia soothing her, making her feel loved. But she shudders and pulls her hand away as if it's been burned as she feels the slight incision from the tattoo. She'd almost forgotten it was there, but now shame fills her to the core once again. How can she go see Liz, or even Olivia, with a swastika on her cheek and her newly bald head? She looks like a perp.

She _is _a perp.

How could Olivia love her like this? She knows that Olivia has always been able to see past her body to what's truly in her heart, but Olivia will find the tattoo disgusting. And Alex can't tell her the whole story. She knows she won't be able to find the words. She's too ashamed of letting them hurt her like that. She should have fought back; she should have been stronger. Olivia would never have let them do that to her. She would have fought it, but Alex just rolled over and took it, because she was afraid.

Until now, she doesn't think she's ever known real fear. Now, she doesn't remember what it's like to be without fear coloring her judgment, constantly lingering in the back of her mind. She doesn't think she's ever really been in pain before, either. No one has ever hit her in her life, not even her parents when she was little and certainly never Olivia. And today, her bones ache with the beatings of the past few days, and her skin is mottled with bruises. She doubts Olivia would even recognize her now.

"I love you," she says quietly to herself, pretending it's Olivia saying the words and not herself.

* * *

><p>Two days later, a correctional officer comes into Alex's cell early in the morning. "Get up. Get dressed," he snaps. "Your lawyer's here."<p>

Alex's breath quickens as she pulls on her prison uniform, glad to be able to cover herself, for now, at least. She's equally excited and terrified of seeing Liz. On one hand, she knows Liz cares about her and it's been so long since she's been near anyone who has. On the other hand, she's ashamed of herself, her baldness, her tattoo. She's ashamed that she's fallen so far and ended up here, in prison, when she should be at the DA's office right now, helping to convict the scum of the earth.

The guard cuffs Alex's hands behind her back and leads her to the conference room where Liz is sitting at the table. Liz's impassive expression changes to one of absolute horror when she sees Alex, and Alex quickly drops her gaze, discomfort filling her body at Liz's scrutiny.

"I want a few minutes alone with my client," Liz says sharply, and the correctional officer leaves.

Alex hears the door close behind him, but she still doesn't move.

"Alexandra, come here," Liz says a bit more gently.

Alex doesn't even think of disobeying; the past few days have taught her the importance of compliance at all times. She steps up to Liz and stands before her, starting to tremble involuntarily under Liz's appraisal.

"What happened to you?"

Alex hangs her head and doesn't say anything. What is there for her to say?

Liz sighs. "Is there anything you need here? I can talk to –"

Alex looks up. "Olivia."

"She's not going to be able to come see you for a few weeks, but she wanted me to tell her she loves you. She misses you a lot." Liz hesitates. "Sit down, Alexandra."

Alex sits down across from Liz. There's nothing more to say, so they sit in silence for several long moments. Finally, Alex says, "Tell Olivia I love her, too." Her heart hurts at having to say the words. She wishes she could tell Olivia herself.

"I will, but she already knows," Liz says quietly. "Alexandra, if there's anything you need, I will do whatever is in my power to get it for you."

_Take me home_, Alex wants to say, but she knows that's one thing Liz won't be able to do.

"Tell Olivia I'm okay," she finally says. "I don't want her to worry about me."

"But you're not okay. Who did this to you?"

Alex meets Liz's eyes. She can't tell her the truth. "I did."

"Why?"

Alex thinks quickly and manages to come up with a convincing lie. "I had lice. I figured it would just be easier to have my hair shaved off and let it grow back on its own." She feels tears rush to her eyes; the memory of what Mason did is still so painful, but she forces them back. She doesn't want Liz to think she's weak, and she doesn't want her to tell Olivia everything she's seen. She doesn't want Olivia to worry about her.

"The tattoo, Alexandra."

Alex bites the inside of her cheek, feeling very much like a child being reprimanded by her teacher. "I don't want to discuss that."

Liz sighs and reaches into her pocket. She pulls out a folded piece of paper and hands it to Alex. "From Olivia," she says.

Alex opens the note, and blinks back the moisture in her eyes as she recognizes Olivia's familiar scrawl on the page.

_Alex,_

_I love you. I will always love you. Remember that. Don't give up. I'll come see you as soon as I can._

_Olivia_

Alex can't help but smile. The note is typical of Olivia – short, simple, to the point, but wrought with emotion even so. She folds it carefully back up and holds it in her palm, not having any pockets in her prison uniform and not wanting to part with her newfound link to Olivia.

Then something occurs to Alex. "How's Lauren doing?"

Liz looks surprised at the question. "I'm not sure. I haven't seen her."

Alex sighs. "And Olivia?"

"She's fine. She misses you, but she's fine."

"Is she back at work?"

"Not yet."

"Please tell her not to worry about me. Please, Liz."

Liz sighs, too. "All right." Her voice is suddenly businesslike again. "We're going to appeal your conviction, Alexandra."

Alex nods. She's expected no less. She also knows they won't win, but they can try.

They sit for a few more moments, then Liz gets up. "I'll be back to see you in a few days, Alexandra," she says.

Alex wants to cry, to scream for Liz to please, please stay, and not to make her go back there. But she can't do that, so she just nods again.

The door to the conference door opens and a correctional officer leads Alex back to her cell. She averts her gaze from Mason's and wraps her arms around herself in an attempt to keep her clothes on, but it's no use.

Mason looks at her and quirks an eyebrow, and that's all it takes. Alex is too worn out to fight anymore, and she undresses and kneels at Mason's feet as she knows is expected of her.

"So your lawyer came to see you?" Mason says with a smirk.

Alex nods, not trusting her voice.

"And did you tell her what good _friends _we are?"

Alex shakes her head.

Mason smacks her across the face. "What?"

"No, Master," Alex says quietly, blushing at her own words.

"Good. That's good, pet. Otherwise you'd have to be punished."

Alex tries to keep her gaze impassive, but she's sure her eyes betray her fear.

"I think you should thank me, pet."

Alex shudders. "Thank you, Master."

"Good girl. So what did you tell that lawyer of yours?"

"Nothing." Alex feels the crumpled paper she's still holding in her fist, and it gives her strength.

"She didn't ask you anything?"

"No, Master."

Mason raises an eyebrow. "Are you lying to me, pet? Because if you're lying to me, I will punish you."

"No, Master."

Mason sighs. "What's that in your hand, pet?"

"Nothing, Master." Alex crumples the paper further. She won't let Mason have it.

"Now you're lying to me. Let me see it."

Alex shakes her head. "No." She can't.

Mason sighs again. "If you haven't given it to me by the count of three, I'm going to tear it up. One . . . two . . ."

Alex knows she will, and she can't lose her last link to Olivia. Reluctantly, she hands over the page and drops her gaze.

Mason smirks as she reads Olivia's words. "So is this your cop girlfriend?"

Alex doesn't answer.

Mason makes as if to tear the page. "I asked you a question, whore."

"Yes, Master."

"She says she loves you, huh?"

Alex keeps her eyes fixed on the floor. This mockery of Olivia is almost worse than anything Mason's done to her thus far.

Mason laughs. "Well, I guess she doesn't love you anymore. Not the way you are now. And you're mine now, bitch. Not hers. Mine."

_No. I will always be Olivia's. And she'll always be mine._

Alex doesn't realize she's said the words aloud until Mason chuckles and tears the piece of paper to shreds.


	14. Chapter 14

Olivia is waiting for Liz again when she returns to her office. "Did you see her?" she asks, hardly even daring to hope, lest she be disappointed again.

"Yes," Liz says hesitantly, wondering exactly how much she should tell Olivia. She's made a promise to Alex, but she fears that Olivia will see right through her.

But there's no point in worrying Olivia more than she has to be. She should protect Olivia, just as Alex asked.

"How is she? Did you give her my note?"

"She's fine, and yes, I did. She told me to tell you she loves you."

"Is she hurt? What happened?"

"She slipped in the shower," Liz says quietly, hating having to lie but knowing it's the right thing to do. "Her lip was a bit swollen, but the doctors stitched it up. She's okay. They're taking care of her."

"How can you say that, Liz? She's in _prison_, for God's sake!"

"Olivia, we're going to file an appeal. I'll do whatever I can for her."

"I need to see her!"

"Next week. I talked to the warden and he says you can come on Monday."

Olivia groans. "How am I going to go seven days without her?"

"Olivia, don't worry. Alexandra is fine. She told me to tell you not to worry about her."

"How can she even ask that of me? I miss her. I need her, Liz."

"I know, and I'll do what I can to get you in to see her. It's going to be okay, Olivia."

Olivia gazes into her eyes for a long moment, as if trying to determine whether Liz is telling the truth. Liz forces herself not to blink.

"Okay," Olivia says after a minute, sounding more defeated than ever.

* * *

><p>Mason groans as she's awoken in the middle of the night. She's getting tired of Alex's nightmares; they're making it impossible for her to get any sleep. She turns onto her side, and sure enough, she finds Alex curled up on the ground exactly where she left her, moaning in her sleep as she tosses and turns. Her naked body is covered with sweat, but still she's shivering in the cold.<p>

"Olivia . . . Liv, please . . . I love you . . . please, help me," Alex murmurs in her sleep, tears falling down her cheeks as she thrashes on the floor.

Mason glares at her, realizing that Alex is dreaming about her former girlfriend. She still thinks Olivia loves her, that they'll be together again. This is going to have to change.

Mason kneels beside Alex and forces her legs apart, leaving her fully exposed. Licking her lips, Mason shoves two fingers into her pet.

Alex cries out in pain, her eyes flying open as wakes up to find herself being penetrated. It takes her a few seconds to get her bearings, and as soon as she does, she struggles to get away, but Mason takes the hand that isn't inside Alex and uses it to pin her arms together over her head.

"Don't you dare move, slut. You are mine now. You no longer belong to anyone but me. And if you don't figure that out soon, someone will get hurt, and not just you."

Alex continues to fight against Mason. Her nightmare has left her feeling especially vulnerable, and she can't just lie here and let Mason rape her. She kicks her legs, but Mason kneels on her calves so she can't move.

When Mason's threat registers, she tries to determine who Mason might be talking about. The moment her struggles cease, Alex feels herself being lifted and turned onto her front, her breasts pressed against cold concrete as a forearm pushes her neck down to keep her in place.

"If you don't take it like the whore you are, I will hurt you, and I'll hurt that cop girlfriend of yours as well. And don't think that I won't. I have friends on the outside, too." Mason pushes her fingers into Alex again, roughly stretching her entrance, and Alex can't help but whimper.

She tries to remember how Olivia used to make love to her, so gently, as if she was something precious. She remembers how Olivia would touch her so sweetly, covering her body with soft kisses, whispering words of love and devotion, telling Alex how beautiful she was and how much Olivia loved her.

Mason thrusts once more, and the pain is nearly unbearable. "Stop, please!" Alex begs, tears rushing to her eyes again at the burn between her legs and the shame engulfing her body.

Mason twists her fingers inside Alex, scratching her inner walls. "You do _not _give me orders, cunt! And I will not stop until you admit that you belong to me, and only me!"

"Fuck you!" Alex holds her breath, bracing herself for the blow. Mason doesn't disappoint. A moment later, a hard punch lands against the back of her head, slamming Alex's face into the concrete and causing stars to appear before her eyes.

"Say that again, bitch! Say that one more time and you won't live long enough to regret it."

Moaning and disoriented, Alex can't even fight as Mason rapes her. She feels blood trickling down one of her inner thighs, and everything hurts. The concrete scrapes her breasts and face raw with each thrust of Mason's fingers.

Finally, Mason lets go of Alex and sits back. As tears run down her cheeks, Alex whispers, "I'm sorry, Olivia." _I'm so sorry I couldn't fight her off. I'm sorry I broke my promise. I'm sorry I let her hurt me._

"That's better," Mason says, seeming to believe the apology is for her and not Olivia. "Now you are going to listen carefully and obey every single thing I say. You are not going to be warned again. If you don't break it off with that cop and realize you are _all_ mine, we are going to have a serious problem. I do not share. So you will not write to this Olivia ever again, except for one letter telling her that it's over, and if she sends you a note I will rip it up. The last contact you will have with her is to break up with her."

Alex gasps at her owner's demand as more tears continue to leak from her eyes. She can't do that. She won't hurt Olivia by breaking up with her through a letter and never speaking to her again. She knows it's what she should do, for her safety and for Olivia's own good, that it's the honorable thing to do, but she can't help but be selfish. She loves Olivia too much, and she needs her more than ever now.

"Second, if she comes to visit you will tell the guards that you don't want to see her and to send her away. If I ever hear her name from your lips again, I will fuck you until you scream my name." Mason glares down at Alex. "Got it?"

"No . . . I won't do it." Alex wishes she could say the words without sounding like she's begging, but she is begging, and she can't help it.

"Fine. Then I'll just have to show you how serious I am. I will take care of her and maybe your lawyer. You'll see that if you don't obey me, others will suffer, not just you." Mason lands a punch on Alex's bruised cheek, once again holding her down, but this time Alex feels something hard shoved into her.

Alex screams in utter pain and desperation, praying a guard will hear and help her, but knowing in her heart that no one will. She is alone.

Alex's brain is racing, trying to find a way out of this, not only for herself but for Olivia and Liz too. She has to get a warning to them, just in case Mason follows through with her threat. If Mason hurts either of them, Alex knows she will lose herself, and she will truly belong to Mason.

* * *

><p>Alex eventually passes out from the pain, and when she comes to, Mason leaves her alone for awhile to nurse her wounds. She curls up under the bed and tries to make herself as small as she can be, to avoid Mason's penetrating gaze. "I hate you," she whispers, and juvenile as it may sound, the words help, a bit. It's easier to channel her overwhelming terror into anger.<p>

She lies down on her side, being careful not to aggravate her injuries. She wipes away the blood caked on her thighs, wishing she could have a shower. Alex feels so dirty, almost as if she's cheated on Olivia by letting Mason take advantage of her.

"I didn't want to," she whispers, and the waterworks start all over again. "I didn't want to," she says through her tears, over and over again.

She stays like that for an indeterminate period of time, until Mason kneels down beside the bed and grabs her arm, pulling her out of her hiding place. "Get up. I want you to write to that cop of yours now."

"No." Alex covers her head with her hands, and Mason kicks her, hard, sending her sprawling. "I – I can't," she whimpers, biting her lip hard and tasting blood.

"Then you're going to have to be punished, pet."

By the end of the day, more bruises have been added to the rainbow littering Alex's skin, and so has another tattoo, this time of a three leaf clover bearing the letters _KKK_.

* * *

><p>The rest of the week passes in this fashion. Each day, Mason asks Alex to write Olivia the letter breaking up with her, and every time Alex says no. She tries to endure her punishments with grace, but each time Mason rapes her, she feels a little bit of her soul die.<p>

* * *

><p>On Monday, Alex is close to giving in. Her body hurts more than she ever thought possible, and the new tattoo at the base of her neck burns. The needle hadn't been sterilized, and she fears the area is infected. She's barely eaten in two weeks, and she can feel her hipbones and collarbone jutting through her skin.<p>

A correctional officer comes into her cell and yanks her to her feet before lunchtime. "Get up, bitch. Get dressed. You have a visitor."

_Liz. _Alex pulls on her clothes and stumbles after him, dizzy from hunger and fatigue. Liz is here. She has to warn Liz, tell her that Mason will hurt her, to take care of herself and Olivia before it's too late.

As the guard opens the door to the conference room, Alex's heart stops. She sees that it's not Liz sitting at the table, but Olivia.

She bursts into tears and pulls out of the correctional officer's grasp, running to Olivia and wrapping her arms around her. Olivia catches her in a warm embrace, and Alex feels a kiss land on the crown of her newly bald head. "Alex, baby –"

"Cabot, sit down," the correctional officer snaps. "No touching allowed."

Alex whimpers. She can't pull herself away, not now, not ever. She has to stay in the safe cocoon of Olivia's arms, always. Here, she knows she's safe.

A moment later, she feels the guard's hands on her shoulders, pulling her back and slamming her to the ground, cuffing her hands behind her back. "If you can't follow the rules, you'll be sent back to your cell."

Olivia gasps at the harsh treatment her girlfriend is receiving. "Stop it!" she yells, and the correctional officer yanks Alex to her feet and shoves her into a chair.

"Sit. You have twenty minutes."

"I'd like some time alone with her," Olivia says through a lump in her throat.

"You can't. You aren't her lawyer."

"I'm a detective –"

"No is the answer. You have nineteen minutes."

Olivia swallows hard and looks at Alex, taking in her new appearance – the tattoos adorning her shoulder and cheek, the bruises covering her face and arms, the way her prison uniform hangs on her skeletal frame, the emptiness in her eyes, the naked fear engulfing her entire body. "Alex," she finally says, "what _happened _to you?"

Alex bows her head and doesn't answer. She can't warn Olivia, not now, in front of the guard. Word will get back to Mason, and she doesn't think she can take any more pain.

"Princess, please, talk to me. Who hurt you? What happened? Liz said you were okay." Tears start to fall down Olivia's cheeks, but there's nothing Alex can say to her. "Baby, your hair – what happened? Liz didn't say –"

"I had lice,'' Alex says mechanically. "They needed to shave it. To disinfect it."

"Oh, baby . . ." Alex knows Olivia wants to hug her, and all she wants to do is curl up in Olivia's lap and let her hold her for ever and ever, and protect her from the world, but she can't.

The tears in Olivia's eyes pierce her heart like a knife. This is what she's done to the woman she loves.

"I'm sorry, Olivia."

"No, baby, don't be sorry. That's not your fault." She gestures at Alex's tattoos. "Who did that to you?"

Alex can't meet her eyes. "I did."

"Baby, why? Why would you do that?"

"I wanted to."

"Why, Alex? That's not who you are."

"Yes, it is."

And suddenly, there's nothing more to say. They sit in silence until the guard tells them their visit is over.

Alex starts to cry again at his words. "I love you, Olivia," she whispers as the guard pulls her to her feet.

"I love you, too, princess, always. I will always love you." Olivia's voice breaks. "I'll try to come again next week."

Alex nods through her tears as the correctional officer leads her back to her cell and shoves her in.

"Hope you had a good visit with that cop," he sneers.

Mason's head snaps up at his words. "You were with that cop?"

Alex bows her head, choosing to ignore the question in favor of undressing as she knows is expected of her.

Mason smacks her hard across the face. "I guess you're going to make me follow through with my word. That lawyer of yours is going to be in trouble pretty soon, so you better do what I say."

"No," Alex says quietly. "I won't."

Mason sighs. "Fine, pet. When your lawyer is six feet under, maybe you'll change your mind."


	15. Chapter 15

Olivia storms into the 1-6, even more focused on achieving Alex's freedom now that she sees that Liz has lied to her. Alex is most definitely not okay. She'd been beaten, and her beautiful golden hair has been shaved. She's been given those disgusting tattoos, and now she's acting like she really is the perp that everyone thinks she is. Wiping her eyes in an attempt to remove the remnants of her tears, Olivia once again peruses Alex's case files.

Elliot looks over at his partner for a moment. Dark rings surround her eyes and her usually toned body seems thinner each day. She's wasting away. Ever since Alex was imprisoned, Liv has been nothing more than a shell. Olivia's soul, heart, and mind are in prison with Alex. He is about to ask how her visit went, but is stopped by their Captain's voice.

"Benson, Stabler, we've got a case. A woman was raped in Central Park last night. I need you two to go interview her while Munch and Fin go to the scene."

Don hopes that getting Olivia out on a case will take her mind of the whole mess with Alex. Even it doesn't, Olivia is a cop and this is her job. If she can't do her job, he needs to make sure that someone else can. Although he loves Olivia like a daughter, she works for the city of New York. She has a duty to the citizens of New York as well as Alex.

"You got it, Cap." Elliot jumps up from his desk, almost glad that they've caught a case. At least he won't be stuck at his desk with paperwork. He starts for the door, then stops when he realizes Olivia is still sitting at her own desk, looking over Alex's file once again.

"Benson – Olivia!" Don yells to get her attention.

"Yeah?" Olivia looks up, her face drawn and weary.

"I assigned you and Elliot to a case. Get up off your ass and get to it." Don waves her toward the door.

"Captain, I . . . I am working on a case. Alex's case," she says.

Sighing for a moment and rubbing his forehead, Don feels his heart soften. He moves over to Olivia and puts a hand on her shoulder. "Olivia, I know you want to prove Alex's innocence; we would all like that, but Liv, there's nothing we can do right now. We have a duty to the city and to the victims. Alex's case is being taken care of by Brooklyn's SVU squad. We don't have jurisdiction and Elizabeth is appealing it as we speak. There is nothing we can do. Now go with Elliot."

"No, Captain. I can't."

Olivia has had enough for today. First, she finally got to see her love, only to find her nearly destroyed, and now she is being forced to go back to work as if nothing is wrong. Everyone is acting like nothing is wrong, while Alex is in prison being abused and maybe even raped . . . Olivia shudders at the thought and tries to not think about that.

"Olivia, you are a detective for this department. Alex's case is not within our jurisdiction. If you don't work on the cases you are assigned to, then you are no good to us." Don hates being tough with his detectives, especially in these circumstances. He knows how difficult this for Olivia and how hard she's taking it, but she still needs to be able to do her job. He's given her several weeks off, and now it's time to start getting back to normal. "Look, Liv, Alex would want you to keep doing your job. Remember what she said in the letter she left you? That you need to continue to protect Lauren and others like her."

"Liv, Alex wrote that she loves you but that you need to go on with your life." Elliot is only trying to help, but the look on Olivia's face makes him clamp his mouth shut.

"Go on with my life? You mean move on, right?" Olivia jumps up from her chair, glaring at her partner and her captain. She had thought that day at the courthouse when Elliot held her, he had been apologizing for accusing Alex. Now she sees that he's betrayed both of them all over again.

"Benson, Stabler didn't mean it like that. But Alex would want us to keep doing our jobs and protecting the victims," Fin says.

"Stay out of this, Fin!" Olivia snaps.

"Olivia, calm down. We aren't trying to argue with you. We're just worried about you," John says.

"Worried about _me_? What about Alex?" Olivia glares at the men that she's always thought of as her family.

There is a silence and a tension Olivia feels in her body. The guys know something that they're not telling her.

"Olivia, we received a report from Brooklyn SVU. That past offense that Alex is accused of – they started to reinvestigate, talked to the girl again, and it looks like it's true. Alex raped her, too." Elliot tries to hold Olivia's gaze but can't bear the pain he sees in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Liv. We got the report when you were at the prison." Don puts his hand on Olivia's shoulder, ready to comfort her. He knows she won't take the news well, but he and the other detectives will be there for her no matter what. "I know you love Alex, but –"

"But what?" Her voice has a venom to it that sends a shiver down Don's spine. Then she turns to Elliot. "And too? Alex raped her . . . too? So you really think she did it."

"Olivia, I mean –"

"No, you mean always thought she was guilty. Ever since you found out I was with her, you've been acting differently. You never liked Alex ever since she started here. You never gave her a chance." Olivia starts toward Elliot, her eyes boring holes into him.

"Olivia, I love Alex but the evidence proves that she was guilty all along. I know you love her, and love is blind, but you've not being very logical here. Have you ever even asked her about her past?"

Before Elliot even realizes it Olivia is being pulled off him by John and Fin, and Don is in her face, telling her that she needs to calm down. Elliot reaches for his nose and feels blood trickling down it.

"Fuck you, Stabler. Fuck you!" Olivia is crying now. She is falling apart. She's never fought her family like this before.

She pushes the men away from her and leans back against the wall. She feels like a wounded animal, protecting herself and her love from these ravenous wolves.

"Calm down, Olivia! Stabler, you too. Both of you knock it off or you're both suspended," Don says.

Olivia looks at each man and reads pity in each pair of eyes. _They all think she is guilty. Only Liz and I seem to know Alex didn't do anything wrong. How could they do this to us? To Alex? To me? _

"Fin, you will go with Olivia to the scene, and John, you'll go with Stabler to interview the young lady." Don realizes Olivia isn't going to be much use interviewing victims today, especially with Elliot.

"No." Olivia looks at the ground. She doesn't often question her captain, but she barely cares anymore. Her thoughts are focused on Alex. She has to get Alex out of prison.

Don sighs. He hates what he knows he has to do, but it's neccessary now. "Olivia, you are suspended if you refuse to obey orders. I need your badge and gun until you realize that your duty as a cop is to the city and not just to whomever you want it to be to."

Olivia looks up at Don, stunned. Tears streak down her face. Everything is going wrong. The people she thought were her family have crossed a line. They've betrayed Alex and herself. They've all broken her heart.

Without a word, Olivia removes her gun and slams it on her desk. She throws her badge down as well and runs out of the precinct.

The four men watch helplessly as Olivia leaves. Sadness fills their hearts as well as anger. How could Alex do this to their Olivia?

Taking Olivia's badge and gun, Don looks up at his other detectives. "John, you and Fin go to the hospital. Stabler and I will go to the scene. We have a job to do."

Elliot glances at Olivia's desk and notices a photograph of the two women together. It's of the day Olivia proposed to Alex. She did it at the 1-6, right in the same spot the two women first met. Olivia had told Alex that was the moment she fell in love with her. Love at first sight.

* * *

><p>Liz hates New York traffic, she thinks as she inches her way down West 35th Street on a busy afternoon. She should have just taken the subway, but she'd decided earlier that she needed her car for the multiple errands she had to run pertaining to Alex's case. She hadn't wanted to accidentally leave important confidential papers on the subway. Although she isn't usually given to such absentmindedness, it's been happening more and more often lately.<p>

She has only half an hour before her meeting with a judge to turn in Alex's appeal, and she doesn't want to have to wait until next Monday to get this taken care of.

"Shit."

The light in front of her changes to red. She seems to be hitting every single red light today. Why does this always happen when she's late?

Liz slams on her brakes, but her car doesn't slow down – a gasp escapes her lips as she frantically presses the brakes over and over, but her car doesn't stop, instead rolling into incoming traffic and blocking the intersection.

* * *

><p>Olivia gets the call nearly an hour later, from a doctor at Mercy General telling her Liz has been in a car accident. She's all right, but she's asking for Olivia. Olivia says she's on her way and immediately hails a cab.<p>

Soon she's sitting in a hospital room with Liz, whose leg is propped up in a cast and who has a cut on her forehead slightly resembling a lightning bolt. "What happened?" is the first question she asks.

"I'm not sure. My car wouldn't stop. The brakes were working fine yesterday." She shakes her head slightly. "I'm not going to be able to go back to work for a few days, and I told Alexandra I would see her on Monday. Will you go and tell her I filed the appeal?"

Olivia nods. "Liz, you didn't tell me . . . about Alex."

Liz sighs. "She told me not to, Olivia. I'm sorry. I didn't want to lie to you, but Alexandra didn't want to worry you, and frankly, neither did I."

"Liz, what _happened _to her?"

"I'm not sure. She wouldn't talk to me. I was hoping she'd tell you."

"No . . ." A tear slips down Olivia's cheek. "My poor baby," she whispers, wrapping her arms around herself. "She needs me, Liz, and I can't help her."

"I made a few calls. You can go see her again on Monday."

"Thank you." Olivia swallows hard. "So are you okay?"

"I'll live. Don't worry about me, Olivia. Worry about yourself."

_And Alex_, she doesn't add. She knows that goes without saying.

* * *

><p><em>Alex is running as fast as she can. Olivia is on the other side of the field, and Mason is chasing her. She knows that as soon as she crosses the expanse of green, she'll be safe in her love's arms, but her legs are starting to ache and her breathing is erratic. Mason is gaining on her, and although she's pushing herself as hard as she can, she doesn't think she'll be able to make it. "Olivia," she cries, "I don't think – I can't run anymore – Liv!" She screams as Mason grabs her, and Olivia starts to shrink as Mason carries her away, getting smaller and smaller until she disappears altogether.<em>

Alex wakes up to find Mason's hands on her throat, squeezing hard. She tries to pry Mason's fingers away. "Please – can't – breathe – please –"

Mason just pushes harder, and Alex is sure she's have a set of finger-shaped bruises on her neck in an hour. "What did I tell you yesterday, pet?"

"I – please – please, Master –"

"What did I tell you yesterday?"

"I – I don't know – please –"

Mason tightens her grasp. "Wrong answer." Maintaining the pressure on Alex's throat, she says evenly, "I told you that you are never to mention that cop's name in my presence. Otherwise you'll have to be punished."

"I didn't –" Alex chokes out. "Please –" She's barely listening to what Mason's saying; she's more focused on trying to breathe.

"Shut up." Mason presses her harder into the ground.

"M-Master – I can't – can't – b-breathe – please – p-please, Master –"

"Shut your fucking mouth or so help me, I will choke you until you pass out."

Alex gasps for air, whimpering but trying to follow Mason's instructions and stay silent. She knows her begging will do her no good.

After a moment, Mason says, "Good girl. Now you are going to have your punishment. You're going to take it like the whore you are, and you are never going to mention that cop's name ever again. If you do, your punishment will be worse. Got it?"

Alex nods frantically, and Mason releases her. Her hands fly to her neck, massaging the bruises she feels starting to form and taking advantage of the unhindered supply of air to her lungs.

Mason flips her onto her stomach. "Spread your legs, pet."

Alex whimpers and shakes her head. She won't give in so easily. She can't.

Mason pulls her legs apart and holds them there. "If you can't be quiet, I'll make you be quiet. I will not warn you again." She reaches beneath Alex and shoves two fingers inside her, then adds another.

Alex cries out at the sudden penetration, trying to squirm away from Mason. "No, no, no," she whispers. "No – please –"

A moment later, she's been turned onto her back and one of Mason's socks has been stuffed into her mouth. She gags around the intrusion, trying to spit out the sock, but Mason grips her jaw. "I warned you, pet. I told you to be quiet, but you didn't listen."

Alex just looks at her, rendered speechless by the gag. Her eyes plead for Mason to let her go, but she knows that if she says anything, she might choke on the sock.

Mason slides her fingers into Alex again, then smiles as she pulls out and brings her fingers to her lips. "You taste good, pet. Is this all for me?"

Alex doesn't answer. She tries to take herself somewhere else in her mind, pretending it's Olivia, touching her gently. Undressing her so delicately, like she's a porcelain doll, kissing every inch of exposed skin. Promising she'd love Alex forever and always.

As Mason continues to thrust inside her, she forces herself to focus on Olivia, but even that doesn't alleviate the pain.


End file.
